you can.

throughout this year i have discussed quite a bit with you in regards to goals and last week we furthered the topic by talking about how to be and stay productive. there is so much that could be said on these topics though and that is why we are going to continue discussing them. obviously goals are tough, and that is why we often struggle to achieve them, but what makes it even harder is all of the lies we tell ourselves; the lies that break us away from fulfilling our hearts desires. whether it’s telling yourself you simply don’t have the time or that you aren’t good enough in some way or another the lies need to stop. you do have the time and you are complete as you are. can you grow and improve yourself? always. will it be easy? no! but will it be worth it? yes, it will and i can just about guarantee that because i am living proof that when you push through those lies blessings are bound to come your way.

growing up i struggled with confidence. i was shy and only during the end of my junior year in high school was i able to slowly start breaking out of that shell. did i start by trying to talk to more peers in my class? not a chance, but i did decide to post a YouTube video and then another and another. they were absolutely awkward and to this day they are cringe worthy but they were me; raw, real, and silly. now i don’t expect everyone to go start a YouTube channel to help blossom into who they were meant to be, but we all are on a journey of finding ourselves, who we want to be, and the things that bring us pleasure and peace.

March 14, 2019 (exactly one year, one month, and one day i wrote this little blurb) :

“last night i cried. not sad or angry tears, but happy tears, because as i was looking at old photos something came over me. i do not know what it was or by how, but my guess is by the grace of god. it had to have been, and it was beautiful because for once i saw that despite my flaws there was so much strength in myself that i never really allowed myself to see. i saw the growth i have had in the past few years. i looked at the girl i was and now the women i am becoming. so much has happened in this past, almost four years. i’m hard on myself, in just about everything that i do and do not do, but i simply do not give myself credit for all i have accomplished. the other day i had a friend read my tarot cards, which were crazy accurate and they mentioned this aspect of my life. she suggested sitting down and writing out all of my accomplishments and so that is what i did.”

now i don’t know where i wrote this list of accomplishments but i decided that i am going to recreate a list of accomplishments and i think you should too. take a second, stop reading, grab a piece of paper, something to write with, and jot down some of your own accomplishments - big and small. if you want to share them in the comments i would love to celebrate with you in these milestones! okay here it goes…

a list of just some of my many accomplishments

• i have built a stronger relationship with god and continue to pursue his love.

• i have gone from being scared to go to the gym and someone who said she would never be a runner to someone who works out 5 times a week, who has gone on multiple 7 mile runs, and even one 10 mile run (it was brutal lol).

• despite, not always feeling the smartest, i worked my booty off and graduated from my undergraduate courses with my bachelors in psychology, 2 minors, and in two honor societies. i have even looked into furthering my knowledge by researching masters courses.

• i continue to pursue photography no matter how many times life seems to pull me away. in doing so i have had the privilege to connect with many people whom i would have otherwise not known by taking portraits, senior, graduation, couple, wedding, maturity, baby, and siblings photos as well as work with a couple companies to capture some product content.

• and i have managed to build my own website which i have grown to consistently post on. 2 full years it took me to become more consistent, but look where we are now - so much farther from where we started that is for sure because i just went for it and continue to make time for it. is it perfect? no, but i am heading in the direction i want to be going with it.

the list goes on and so does yours even if you feel you have nothing to put. there are plenty of things you are not giving yourself the credit you deserve. remember though if it weren’t for him you wouldn’t have it, credit goes to the big guy upstairs (and i’m not talking about your landlord - i’m talking about the one who gave his only son for you)!

regardless, far too often do we beat ourselves down before we even give a go at things. we focus on the negatives and struggle with the idea of failure. i had dreams of building a website for years and while i have one now that has grown into something i am proud of i greatly struggled with getting to this point. before this website came into existence or even was a thought i actually had created a completely different one over on wix.com. i had a couple of blogs posted before launching, and i chickened out. i figured nobody would like it and that it was not worth sharing, but the idea of wanting to create a website never felt my mind. so i started over again, on a different platform and went with it, knowing there were going to be failures and that i would learn through them. january 2018 i launched this website; my baby! all fears were not lost though. there are still plenty of times i wonder to myself if what i am posting is even good enough for people to read, but do i let that stop me? not a chance. these goals we have are not supposed to be easy. we aren’t going to have it all figured out right away. we will fail, but we will also try and try and try again until we get it right. when we are determined and constant we will see success. first it starts with how we see ourselves. more self love baby more self love. not just bubble bath, spa night self love, but the way we talk about ourselves. you have so much potential and are so worthy of the things you want to accomplish. drop the excuses; they are only holding you back and you are meant for so much more.

keep working towards those dreams. keep pushing through those fears. you are doing just fine.

6 ways to stay productive while in quarantine

another week, another blog, and another day in quarantine. at this point i have already lost count of how many days it has been since i have been home from work, but one thing i do know is that i have not lost my productivity! you might be wondering how have i managed to stay productive amid the craziness of our new norm, and especially if you are also out of work for the time being. seeing our days typically are scheduled around our work routine it is easy for our out of work schedule to become somewhat discombobulated as well. that is why i wanted to share some things that have been helping me stay productive throughout the days.

1. stick to a routine. it doesn’t have to be overly strict, but you should choose to have some sort of structure throughout your day. for me i like to wake up, make my bed, workout, shower up, eat some breakfast, and write what i want to accomplish for the day. from there my day will vary a bit depending on the activities and projects i will partake in, but i get so much more done when, from the moment of waking up i am already being productive. sticking to a routine also helps make sure you are getting the proper amount of sleep your body needs. when your body is well rested you have more energy to be and stay productive. not to mention sticking to a routine will help make transitioning back to work when the time comes so much easier because you have already been holding yourself accountable to a routine.

2. wake up early. this way you have more time in the day to get things done. it is as simple as that.

3. plan your day. this can either be an everyday thing or a weekly thing, but if you are anything like me physically writing out what you need to get done is so helpful. i love visuals so having my tasks laid out in front of me simplifies it in a way to tackle them with ease. the visual allows you to see how much progress you are making and notice when you might not being putting in your hardest. if you want to break each day down even a bit farther you can also section your day into three parts; morning, afternoon, and evening. this allows you to plan different activities that you prefer or simply do better at a certain time of the day. usually when i have am working i exercise in the evenings because i am not a morning person (although i really wish i was). without having work though i prefer to get my workouts done in the morning; not only does it help get the blood flowing for the day, but it also gets the workout out of the way so you don’t have to worry about it for the rest of the day!

4. delete social media. or at least minimize your time on it. it is so easy to get caught up in scrolling through the gram, or watching YouTube video after YouTube video. maybe for you it is watching tiktoks? whatever it may be for you most of the time we are just aimlessly looking, but what if that time could be put to something else? what if it could be used to do more. well it can! having deleted all social media a few days before lent i have been able to get a great deal done (even when i was still working 5 days a week for 8 hours, some times more a day). i love social media cleanses and if you are wanting to be more productive then i highly suggest giving it a go.

5. exercise. part of treating your body well is exercise. it is so important to get your body active at least a bit each day to stay healthy. some may say without the gym there is just no way they would be able to workout but our bodies are so powerful we do not even need a gym. bodyweight workouts really do not get enough credit, but they work some magic. for me i have recently switched up my workouts which i like to do occasionally. as of now i rotate between; strengthening, cardio, and yoga. by switching it up it keeps workouts feeling fresh. not only to i build strength and endurance, but the yoga helps loosen and lengthen any tight muscles i may have. sidenote while we are on the topic of yoga though, one of my amazing creative friends just launched her yoga website (littlespruceyoga.com). i know i am super excited for her and to try her yoga flows so if you are a regular yogi or just want to try something new i highly recommend giving her website and instagram (@littlespruceyoga) some love. i promise you won’t regret it. okay back to the post - during the week i also give myself two off days. although they are “off days” i still try to involve some sort of walk and/or small ab circuit. exercising helps keep our body fit as well as helps build strong immune systems! look good and feel good? talk about a win, win. workout though does not just mean physically. we also must exercise our brain. not just social media and binge watching, but some more solid information. for me i have been using the app Duolingo every day to practice Spanish and while i sadly am not fluent.. yet (; i have been learning so much. other ways to feed your brain could be reading a book, watching something educational (lately i have been into crime documentaries - i recently watched both the trails of Gabriel Fernandez and Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez on Netflix. both were super interesting and i highly recommend. if you have already watched either please leave a comment telling me what you thought of it. both stories are so crazy!

6. do the things you always save for later. this one has been huge for me lately. i always have ideas of things i want to do, projects to work on, but sadly they are always the first to get pushed aside for a later date because of time or at least the idea of not having enough time. with this newfound time i thought to myself now i can do all of the things i always set aside for later. so that is exactly what i have been doing and i have been absolutely productive. even with some downtime too, i have been SO productive these past few weeks. so what is it you have thought about wanting to do at some point and never got around to it? have you been wanting to write a book lately? start brainstorming and get to typing. have you been meaning to clean out your closet and donate to a local thrift store? if you haven’t worn it in 3 months chances are you probably won’t, donate it. or maybe you have been dying to try some new recipes? get to cooking. if time was stopping you then what is stopping you now? drop the excuses and get to work. this is your time to shine and even if they are only baby steps remember they are still steps in the right direction (refer back to my earlier blog; 2020 vision, all in, and four for four where i discuss goals and how to stick to them). i also like to look at it this way. why wait? the time we have on this earth is not guaranteed so if there are things you want to do you should simply do them. this life is yours. you schedule your day. you make time for what you want. so live life to your fullest. not anyone elses, to your fullest.

i hope these tips help you as much as they have helped me. remember, this time that we are living in, the time where everything seems so uncertain and at times frightening does not have to be a time of fear, doubt, and confusion. it should not be a time that we just sit back, waiting for it to pass. we must continue to embrace the time we are in. embrace the newfound family time that work and sports schedules often interrupt. embrace the extra time to do the things you set aside. maybe you use this time to explore new hobbies. maybe it is learning to embrace the peace; learning to slow down and relax from your normal busy and often hectic, full speed lifestyle. this time does not have to break us. we can still find some beauty, still find some joy in it. in this time we are learning and relearning a lot. its about learning how to work with one another. it’s about learning to be selfless and respectful of others. it’s a time to relearn all the things that we often take for granted and forget about in our typical day to day lives; such as our health, our family, our friends, even our freedom. god is with us though; just as he is with us in the good he is with us in our struggles. god is good, all the time. all the time, god is good.

any other helpful tips to stay productive? leave them down below. the more information the better….. !

for he is faithful

hello you beautiful people you i am so excited to share this post with you today! i have a feeling that it is going to be one of my favorite posts thus far because wow god is so so so good. now this is not my personal story to share, but having been moved by it i am very happy my boyfriend was kind enough to let me share this story with you.

on Saturday morning, he told me he had woke up to, “something or someone,” and that he would explain more in person. although curious as to what he meant by this i was not completely caught off guard seeing he often talks about hearing the people who live up above him. what he would tell me in person though was something far from what i had imaged.

he told me that as he was lying in bed he heard someone talking to him. great way to start out a story, right? initially i thought it sounded like some spooky nightmare. instead he continued to tell me he felt it was god speaking to him. he heard god telling him that once he touched his pointer finger to his nose he would be filled with his presence. after having touched his nose with his pointer finger (although it is unsure if he physically did so or just in his head) he felt what he would describe as an out of body experience; suddenly he was filled with his presence. that day he continued to have a good day filled with a greater sense. he told me, “i felt i woke up with a purpose.”

i still get chills thinking about it.

it doesn’t end there though. prior to his experience, on Thursday, i had messaged him part of my morning devotional; Psalms 23:1-6 (NIV):

“the Lord is my shepherd, i lack nothing. he makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. he guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. even though i walk through the darkest valley, i will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

i love this verse because how sweet is it knowing that no matter the trails and valleys you face god is always with you. peacefully rest knowing that he has not nor ever will leave you. if there are places in your life where you feel that he has not meet you look around for what borders you may have put up. our god is a respectful god and meets us where we seek him. the more you open up to him the more you see his mercy and grace in all aspects of your life.

my boyfriend witnessed how faithful our savior is first hand. his love and mercy is so plentiful when we let him. the key being when we let him. he is waiting for you. what are you waiting for?

…

..

.

and especially in a time as crazy as we are living in now.

here we are weeks later, continuing to be quarantined from covid-19. while it is unsure how much longer we must keep our distance from one another it is important we open our hearts; to our families, friends, communities, but even more so to our lord because with him we can overcome anything.

noah had to have faith before packing up the ark that he would survive to see another day. 40 days and nights rain fell on the ark. although it was unknown where noah was at through his journey he continued to trust in the lord, and he, his wife, children, and animals disembarked the ship on the 41st day.

mary and her husband, who struggled to have children for years, had to have faith that they would conceive a baby and they did.

even Jesus who died on the cross to save us from sin wrestled with his faith, but continuing to hold tight to it he was able to fulfill his fathers wishes and receive everlasting life.

these are only a few of the many examples we see where faith brings blessings. sometimes these blessings are what we picture. sometimes our blessings are far from what we picture. sometimes god speaks to us, calling us to him, and other times he quietly whispers to us hoping we hear him. each of us experiences him differently, but he is with us all no matter the circumstances.

we must meet him, we must trust him, and we must thank him.

love me lowercase

within the past few months a couple people came to me curious about the lack of uppercase letters (or at least very minimal use) of them in my blog. this kind of caught me off guard because i never thought much about it, but after some pondering i came to a conclusion, and like many things i have a few different reasons as to why.

for starters, i did not begin using lowercase letters completely on my own. a few years ago i noticed that a friend of mine would only use lowercase letters when texting. it took me awhile to get used to seeing it as such broke away from what we are taught in school, but in doing so it made them stand out from other people. the more i saw only lowercase letters used, the more i liked the way it looked. the style although not bold made a statement. plus i loved the dainty-ness of it so it only seemed fitting to use such style myself.

i also love the fact that it keeps things more casual and especially so when i add in little random blurbs (like this one!). it helps make the message come across sweeter, lighthearted, and hopefully makes it feel more relatable as if you are chatting with a close friend. for me that is one thing that i want my website to be - a place of comfort where after reading you are filled with some sort of positivity and happiness.

it too, is meant to be unique. we grow up being taught the basics of language. capital letters here. proper punctuation there, but the older and older we get we begin to see just how much writing styles are preference. one teacher might love your style and another might not. i look at it this way.. writing is a creative form of expression and it’s about finding what sets your writing aside from others not to mention what you personally like. you find your niche and go with it. i like to think that using mainly lowercase letters is just part of what makes my writing mine.

lastly, i use lowercase letters simply because i can. it is a constant reminder that my blog is, first and foremost, a place where i can express myself and i never want to lose sight of the fact that what i choose to do with my website will always be up to me. a reminder of the importance of staying true to myself and what is important to me, just as you should do too.

so if you take one thing from today’s post it is that you should find peace in your uniqueness and build upon your interests. you were born to be different - embrace it.

now doing the things we love to do or the things we would like to do is not always easily done. there are basic things that also must be completed. work, cooking, and cleaning do not do themselves (although at times that would be nice). for me photography and pretty much anything crafty often gets put on the back burner BUT with the recent lack of work i decided that while it is not the most convenient of situations i might as well use my time for all the things i have said i wanted to do but continued not to because of other factors. why not find some good in the craziness that has changed the norm of life? now i know that this is easier for some than others. i am lucky enough not only because i am currently living at home, but also have saved a good amount of money. even so, i am a firm believer that where our mind is matters. a positive mindset prospers regardless of circumstances because of the determination it brings to life, but a negative mindset breaks at even the slightest of things. so what is something you have wanted to do, but never really set into action due to lack of time? do it. what is stopping you now?

“before i formed you in the womb i knew you, and before you were born i consecrated you; i appointed you a prophet to the nations.” - jeremiah 1:5

what a time to be alive

we are just going to dive right on in and talk about the elephant in the room. correction. the elephant around the world otherwise known as the coronavirus. this virus has been the talk for days and has caused a lot of worry and stress among many. with businesses shutting their doors, schools closed, and events cancelled it is safe to say that it has put people in a panic - which is all completely understandable. you listen to the news and it is a lot to take in at once. i know for a fact that i spent plenty of time stressing about it myself because i was actually supposed to be traveling tonight to get my wisdom teeth removed on friday. was it safe to travel? what precautions should i take if my travels went through? would i have to be quarantined when i came back home because of my travels? did i want to miss that much work? would i even continue to have work? as the questions continued to pile on so did my worries, but i am a big believer that when you lean in on faith glorious things come from it. now, naturally i am a person who tends to overthink things so it is easy when things like this come along that i would be completely worried about it, but to my surprise i have been honestly quite calm. why? not only have i continued to pray for comfort and faith, but i continue to believe in the goodness of a glorious god.. even though this is not the staycation i imagined (yes, i am one of those people who is out of work for the time being). 2 chronicles 7:13-15 reads:

“when i shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then i will hear from heaven, and i will forgive their sin and will heal their land. now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place.”

when we trust in him we are bound to see his mercy. now this doesn’t mean we do not take precautions or for doctors to give up seeking a cure. it simply means that we have enough faith to not be afraid of what is to come. it means that we continue living and doing so in peace and harmony with one another.

now i am by no means saying i have it all figured out but i came up with some simple do’s and dont’s to consider during the covid-19 pandemic that i think are helpful reminders.

do not: panic. while there is a lot going in regards to new information on the virus, closures, or simply fears of getting sick we can not allow ourselves to stay in a state of being overwhelmed. when we are overwhelmed we tend to make irrational choices and do not completely take things into consideration. instead take time to re-evaluate situations and sit with options before rushing to meet a decision. this is not the end of the world. just like other new viruses that have come, more information will be found in regards to the corona virus and before we know it we will be treating it like another flu or cold. ie. something that happens and you get over. not to mention most people heal from it (even without medicine!)

do: take precautions. this is probably the best way to make sure you and your loved ones stay healthy. faith alone can not save us, but faith in action can. if we expect god to do everything, we will not see change because he meets us where we meet him. we have to take the steps necessary to fully see his grace (this applies to anything we do). in times such as these that means washing hands thoroughly (often!), covering our coughs/sneezes, staying home when we are sick, and limiting our encounters. this is nothing new, but it is so important that we do what we can to help not only ourselves, but each other.

do not: be selfish. it is crazy seeing stores being wiped out as if a zombie apocalypse has come. really, you would think that toilet paper was gold these days and while it seems silly when you say it, it’s true. there have been people fighting one another or stealing things from others carts in order to stock up which is absolutely ridiculous. not to mention what these actions teach our younger generations. to be selfish? no. that is far from what we want. we need to be mindful of ourselves and our needs, but also not take unnecessary amounts that leave others with nothing. some people can not stock up thus they need to be able to go to a grocery store when they can to get items. we must be caring, thoughtful, and kind, because at the end of the day we need each other. each person is an important piece to what makes our community thrive.

do: be generous. with your time, with you resources, and with you attitude. there are many reasons to be worried and stressed that it is important we are there for one another. this may take form in lending an ear to someone who wants to talk about what is going on or maybe being generous with your time looks like grocery shopping for someone who can not go themselves because they are either quarantined, at risk, or unable to do so on their own due to other factors such as age or other medical reasons. maybe it is helping someone financially or sharing your food with them. being generous could even be as simple as providing some positive and encouraging words.

so you beautiful people you, please please please try to not let this time cause you too much distress. my love is with you all and i am praying for your peace of mind as well as health. we will get through this.

honey, sunshine, and you

i decided to try a lil something different for this week to actually keep the blog short and sweet since my previous blog ended up being longer than intended. this week i figured i would have another go at poetry. back in elementary i loved writing poetry. it was my favorite way to write and i remember sitting with a pencil in hand and my colorful paged notebook jotting poem after poem. unfortunately it has been quite awhile since i have sat down to write a poem so here it goes.

honey, sunshine, and you

she learned that the storm is beautiful

that the rain waters the wounds

and that like flowers she too is bound to bloom

thus she dances in it

sweetened by honey that pour through her veins

she is painted yellow

as if the sun beams from her bones

and you,

you still find a way to brighten her,

to set her soul on fire

you.

you are the moon,

the balance in the atmosphere she needs.

a.l

the extraordinary in the ordinary

alrighty, let’s try this again. after having spent about 2 hours plugging away at this week’s blog post my website browser decided that it did not want to save my post. needless to say i was completely upset and flustered by this unfortunate event, but i felt that i could not give up on this post.

this week i plan on keeping the blog short and sweet for you all seeing that the last few have been a bit lengthier then usual. additionally, i am have been exhausted these past few days so i do not wish to spend the night typing away. your girl could use a vacay! then again who wouldn’t want to take a vacation? which is actually in sorts the the topic for today’s post.

funny enough, i had actually planned a vacation for this weekend (so soon!), but things came up and the trip had to be postponed to a better time. was i bummed? very! but it also would have been more stressful to travel and who wants to be stressed during their vacation? not me that is for sure. so i started thinking; what can i do to make it feel as if i am on a vacation? and came up with this lil list of what i hope are helpful ideas.

here are some ways to bring the vacation to you

• switch it up: traveling is great because it is a change of pace from our everyday life. if you are like me you might find yourself getting caught up in the 500 billon things you feel need to get done that you forget to make time for getting out and being social. if this is the case i encourage you to make plans with your friends or go to an event that is happening soon. if you are completely the opposite and always out and about, change the pace by slowing down a bit. spend some time at home. relax. be still. read a book, watch a movie. whatever it is take it easy.

• try something new: another wonderful thing about vacations is the excitement and thrill of experiencing new things. whether that means tasting new food, seeing new sights, or experiencing new things there is always something provoking about what we have yet to know. to your surprise though there are sure to be plenty of things in your own town or neighboring cities that you have yet to experience. maybe it is that new restaurant you and your significant other have been talking about trying, or maybe there is a hike you and your friends have never explored. even if you really feel there is nothing more in your town for you to possibly do or would ever want to do i challenge you to try something you never thought you would (who knows you might end up liking it) or experience the spots you’ve been to time and time again but experiencing it differently. plan out a scavenger hunt and race your friends to see who finds the most things on the list in a certain amount of time. if they don’t take a picture with the item or thing they lose points. adding a little twist to everyday places can keep the fun of traveling alive without the same cost of a plane ticket!

• relax and rejuvenate: self care is so important and often times we let this on slide from our daily routine, but when we travel we often find ourselves focusing on this, or at least to some extent. don’t wait until you take a trip to slow down. we need to take care of our bodies and minds if we want to be our best, most thrilling, vibrant selves. try to find ways to destress (that are healthy) in order to be stress free and calm just as a good vacation should. i personally love some self pamper; a bubble bath with a nice calming smelling candle lite (cozy comfort from Walmart is an ahhh-maz-ing! and super affordable option, just saying), and some peaceful mellow music; also face masks are absolutely lovely and help me feel as if all the nasty and negative things in me are being extracted from my body.

• learn: while traveling we often find ourselves learning loads of new things as each place is unique in what is considered to be normal. from food, to clothes, to customs there is so much knowledge awaiting which is so fun and exciting to try. even just the other day at work i learned to make an origami heart from the Kanayama teacher. while it was only a couple fold i felt so much excitement that i wanted to show my new skill off to everyone. from there i even thought about future travels to Japan (which just to note did not only stem from an origami heart lol but who knows it just might). while heading to Japan in order to learn how to do origami is not always doable learning origami is much more possible. there are plenty of books online that guide you through step by step or YouTube videos are another great option in order to practice the craft. other interests could be learning a new language. for quite some time i have wanted to learn sign language, but there so many other languages to learn. maybe you prefer learning French. do it. this is the perfect opportunity to expand your skillset and knowledge.

• connecting with yourself more: lastly, when i travel i tend to get more in-tune with myself, not to mention traveling is usually when my creative juices flow the most because travel allows me to slow down in order to think more freely and be more present. this presence further helps me have a greater appreciation for life and overall, it’s a pretty positive atmosphere to be in. this one is a bit harder though to in corporate at times, but i think one of the best ways to do so is to find some space and time each day to check in with yourself and remind yourself to focus on the positive.

when it is all said and done though life is based on perspective. how you choose to see things is up to you. how you respond is up to you. a good time is not set to certain things. anything could be a good time if you choose to make the most of it. so, bring the vacation to you!

let it go

hello you beautiful people you! happy lent!

since today is the first day of the new lenten season i figured what better way to start than the topic of sacrifice and the many forms it can take. not only will i discuss sacrifice in relation to our goals, but i further discuss the sacrifices we make in regards to relationships and even to ourselves.

when it comes to goals it is safe to say that in order to accomplish them some sacrifices will have to be made. for me this blog alone has come with some sacrifices - the biggest one being time. each week i set aside monday evening to type out the bulk of my blog. it does not stop there though. more time is set aside on Wednesday for revision and uploading and any additional updates to my website involve even more time which mean there are occasions i miss out on other events. having made so much progress in these past weeks has proven that sometimes you have to sacrifice one thing to see outcomes in another. was it worth it? indeed. time is not the only thing i must sacrifice when it comes to my website though. i also sacrifice my privacy and while it may not be as detailed as my home address and social security number having a blog is often quite vulnerable because it is something so personal to your heart. i share quite a bit with you all though because it is powerful being raw and real. i have laid out many things that are not completely easy to admit or talk about, but would i change some of my uncomfortability to keep more to myself??? not at all. how could i when have had people who thank me for sharing those raw moments that helped them throughout a time or simply was a gentle reminder to them? i’m beyond blessed to see god working not only in me to be a better individual, but through me to share his love with others. achieving our goals is no easy task, and they will take a lot of hard work, but we are meant for great things and those goals you have always dreamed of are achievable (that is unless it is completely random like you wanting to become unicorn then i am sorry to say the dream ends here). for real though these goals we have discussed for weeks now are achievable and i hope you go out there and get them; taking the necessary sacrifices to do so.

goals are not the only thing that require sacrifice. all forms of relationships require sacrifices. sometimes these sacrifices may come when we let the other person choose the movie or what activity to partake in for the day. other times it might be a little harder such as apologizing when someone has wronged you. yep, you read correctly apologizing when they have wronged you. that might seem off, but it should all be taken in the matter of context. sacrificing pride of being right is important when maintaining healthy relationships. i mean really think about it are most arguments worth losing a friend or loved one over? most times no. pride does us no good and as Elsa put it just let it go.

i get it though, loving unconditionally as god does is a tough job and especially when it is often easier to see the negative traits in someone. when you stop and find the positive in people it is so much easier to love one another. which brings me to a bible verse i love:

“if you love those who love you, what reward will you get? are not even the tax collectors doing that? and if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? do not even pagans do that? be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” - matthew 5: 46-48

because loving someone is not always easy. we far too often get the idea that love is meant to be an almost carelessly easy thing, but it is far from it. loving someone takes work and is a choice you choose to make everyday. this means, yep, you said it making sacrifices from time to time.

sacrifices also come from within. sometimes we sacrifice our own negative traits, behaviors, and habits that keep us from becoming the individual we were created to be. whether you celebrate lent or not these next 46 days come with sacrificing things that hold you back (and i mean actually hold you back). i remember being in elementary school and thinking oh i’ll give up candy or something silly that i barely ate to begin with. it was not even in the least a problem to myself nor to my relationship with god. every person is not going to share in the same sacrifices. what one person struggles with another might have no problem with. so elementary school me was taking the easy route that required no real work, but that also meant i wasn’t working to better myself or growing closer to god. only recently, as in a couple years ago, did i really start taking lent seriously by working daily on myself. kind of embarrassing, like what kind of catholic am i right? i say this because it is a common misconception about being religious (it goes across the board for all different religions and practices) is that if you are religious you are somehow better than others or you have life figured out more. even some religious people believe this but i want to make it clear that religion and religious people are not, nor ever will be “better.” we are still imperfect human beings, meaning we make mistakes just like everyone else.

2 years ago when i decided to give this lent thing a real go i decided to give up social media because that was something that i allowed myself to waste a lot of time on. i would spend hours aimlessly on my phone whether that was on instagram or Facebook, sometimes even watching random YouTube videos one after the other. during much of my time i would catch myself thinking what really am i looking at, i’m not even interested in it (not that i have boring friends, but that i was bored scrolling seeing what everyone else was up to and not making any progress in the things i wanted to do). not only did a detox from social media help me to procrastinate less, i got my homework done faster, and had more time for friends and relaxing. the beginning felt strange, but before i knew it giving up my social media and the feeling that i always had to keep up to date on what everyone else was up to was completely freeing. after awhile i did not even care what i was missing. life was too good to worry. during that time i even traveled internationally with a friend for the first time. we adventured to Costa Rica and it was probably the best trip i have been on to this day. being off of social media meant i wasn’t hooked to my phone. i mean i still took a lot of photos, but i wasn't concerned with updating my followers/friends on my whereabouts. i was truly so present and it was definitely a time i felt god in my life and saw just how beautiful life is and should feel. 

when we make sacrifices we become closer to god.

religious or not i highly suggest finding something in your life that is holding you back whether that is a social media detox or something else that you struggle with. then take what is stopping you and sacrifice it for 46 days. additionally, i challenge you to add something to your schedule and what more perfect then adding something to help you achieve those goals you already have dreamed of, those goals we talked about at the very beginning of the year. wanting a healthy body and mind? cut out junk food and add 5 minutes of daily reflection before starting each day. do what you gotta do to be the best you! whatever is stopping you, you are fully capable of overcoming. i believe in you and am cheering you on.

be still my love

i am going to be completely honest with you all. i have no idea how to start this post - not even in the least. for weeks i felt that god was speaking a message to my soul to share with you but i am at such a lost for words. i have no idea where this post is going to go, but i am trying to put my trust in him and his plan even when i am unaware. bind faith. the act of giving my worries and concerns to god when i am not even sure what to believe. all i know is that the more i think about what to write the more i wonder if i will ever come up with anything good, anything worthwhile, anything at all.

that absolutely frightens me because i have put so much time and hard work into being consistent. 7 weeks of completed blog posts? this one being the 8th? already? it still feels a bit unreal to me, but it’s crazy how determination really moves mountains and changes habits to form new ones. what if that is all for nothing? what if i suddenly having nothing to write about? or at least write about well? on top of these questions my mind wanders to thoughts of friendships that have seemed off recently, and other things my heart desires to pursue (photography, traveling, etc.) but has failed to find time for in my busy schedule. oh and the multitude of things i need to get done like the never ending amount of laundry! in a fast pace society such as ours it’s so easy to feel like we are, even in the midst of a hectic and jam packed full schedule, still somehow falling behind everyone else.

it’s completely overwhelming!

so as i sit here thinking of what to talk about in my post all i can think of is how much i need to be still. how my heart desires be to be still. how much i need to be present and at peace; forgetting about tomorrow’s worries. how i need to really focus on my faith and trust in god’s beautiful grace. maybe this is what i am called to focus on today. to remind you beautiful people (myself included) to be still.

god reminds us in psalm 46:10 that he is here with us and to help us. i mean he did die on the cross for us and he loves us unconditionally so why? why try to control our circumstances when trusting in him leads us to so much more. sure we still have to show up, work hard, and be responsible. no way is god going to physically get you out of bed, dress you, and complete your tasks at work for you, but he does asks that you lean on him through hard times and celebrate the good with him.

so when a friend suggested i write about my trust in god, i felt like this was something that i could indeed reflect because the way i was responding to my circumstances was lacking the the trust and faith i felt in my heart; that god has got me- in everything i do. instead i was responding as if i had to do everything now and not only did it needed to be done now but done well. i was burning myself out, by taking on more than i had time for and carrying unnecessary worries. my lack of trust/faith created an overwhelming amount of work that further prevented me from rest (psychically) and resting in his beautiful mercy (mentally). reality check. i needed to hold onto that trust, that trust that other people saw in me and that i deeply knew was there but not utilizing to the extent i should. let me be completely real with y’all: trusting in god is not an easy path.

i can first handedly tell you that it is not because i have walked this path, often blindly and when i say this i do not mean just walking blindly for an hour but instead weeks, seasons, even years. if it was easy though everyone would be doing it, but it’s not. it is not easy and you know what it is not supposed to be easy. oftentimes it is absolutely lonely. sometimes it is frightening BUT (yes, there is a but) BUT it is worth it. nothing worth while ever came easy right? right. now i hope this talk of being hard, lonely, and frightening has not already caused you to step back and think man this is not for me but instead that it empowers you because you know that you are not alone. all who choose to seek god and walk with him as his children are bound to face struggles in their faith - we are humans remember, imperfect beings. we are, however, first and foremost children of god. “see what love the father has given us, that we should be called children of god” - 1 John 3:1. above all our other titles we are his children, thus we are worthy of his love and grace. just as our earthy father is called to care and protect us so is true for our heavenly father. it might be hard, and especially true for those who do not share in a strong relationship with their earthy father and/or other family members but when we trust in god he multiples our blessings and our world gets larger.

now if you are not religious i do not want you to leave this post thinking that nothing here is for you. for me my strength is greatly rooted in my faith, but i get that not everyone has the same beliefs and that is completely okay. what i speak of though i feel is such an important matter. think of it this way: our bodies are power houses, but without rest we get sick and naturally our body calls us to care for ourselves and well being. when we are sick our first priority is to take care of our health and that goes for physically, mentally, and emotionally. we need to rest not only when we are burnt out, but throughout the process so we can continue to grow and prosper. often times we work so hard doing a multitude of other things we forget to check in with the one thing that really matters; our health thus it’s important that we step back from the daily combustion and the 5,000 things we feel we need to get done and just relax. clear the mind and rest in the fact that live is this beautiful thing meant to be enjoyed and not lived in fast forward.

if you are overwhelmed. this post goes to you. rest. be still. if you are not overwhelmed well this post still is for you. rest. be still. let not yourself not get to the place that you are forced to rest, but instead where you find the time to rest daily.

recipe for love

in the spirit of Valentine's day i figured we could divert a little from the previous topic of goals to discuss relationships. to your surprise though i am not focusing on romantic relationships. instead, i want to focus on the relationship we have with ourselves. i know it sounds silly, but please hear me out. all of our relationships stem from not only what we have been taught, but also reflect how we see ourselves as individuals and our relationship we have with ourselves.

imagine an elementary school girl. she was shy. she depended too much on others for her happiness and never really felt that she was enough whether that was in her school work, how she fit in with her peers, and in her looks. she didn't like her stomach (she wanted abs), she didn't like her smile (which she loves now),  she didn't feel super pretty because guys just weren't interested in her, and her neck (oh gosh she is still working on that one).. let's just say she wasn't very confident. she was self conscious and very hard on herself when it came to just about anything. that girl, that was me. that unconfident girl was me, and sometimes still is.

looking back there were even times in high school where the things i did were because my friends did them. now they weren’t bad things, but they were also not my own interests. instead of really seeing what classes i myself might be interested in, i took classes that i knew some of my friends would be in. to my advantage it thankfully all worked out because i really was not sure of what i wanted to do in the future anyway. the classes i took ended up showing me what interested me and what did not. plus, i had my friends which meant i at least wouldn’t be doing them alone. there was so much i learned in those classes that i wouldn’t have learned otherwise and they challenged me to be a better and harder working student but i just wonder what if i had chosen what interested me more than just flowing along with the rest of the group?

college was no easier. i mean i barely stepped foot into the gym my freshman year because i figured people would judge me for not being in shape and i just worried too much about what other people would think of me.

you’re probably wondering why i even mention this, and i am so happy you ask because i really do believe that at one time or another we all are that unconfident kid looking for a way to simply fit in or make it by. you beautiful people, we are called to live so much greater lives than this though, so much more than degrading the individuals we were created and called to be. not to mention when we don’t see ourselves with loving eyes it’s so much easier to do the same to others. i myself did exactly that growing up. i allowed my insecurities, my stresses, my fears have control with the way i interacted to people. i was quick to anger and easily frustrated, but we do not have to live in such a way if we so choose. when we seek the positive of ourselves we bring that to our other relationships.

so where do we start? how do we become the confident people we are supposed to be? well… to that i say: date yourself. seriously, date yourself whether you are single or in a relationship practice dating yourself. sit with yourself and i mean really sit with yourself. listen to where your mind wanders? how are you feeling physically? mentally? emotionally? are you relaxed? or overwhelmed? do you feel angry? sad? happy? joyful? excited? are you where do you want to be? recount your day. when was the last time you cried? when was the laughed so much you thought you were going to pee yourself? ask yourself questions, uncover the things that excite you and the things that make you fearful. continuously work to create the best version of yourself. it doesn’t even have to be so strenuous by having to think deeply, but maybe it is just going to a local coffee shop to sit and people watch or going to the movie alone. find peace in the comfort of yourself because when you learn to love yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally you are able to give someone else that same kind of selfless love. also when you love your self more you are able to better recognize when the love you receive is healthy and meant to last. think of it as a recipe; there are so many factors to what creates the yummy and delicious treat. same is true when it comes to love; love is patient, kind, does not envy or boost, etc, etc, etc. but even so there always seems to be that one special ingredient, that key element, and that is what self love is. it is the key to all other healthy loving relationships.

it took me a long time to get to where i am now (a more self loving and confident daughter of god) and while i am a lot more confident in the women i am becoming i still have plenty of days when i feel far from it. that is important to note because we should never think of self love as being an end product. self love is a journey NOT a destination. bad days and good days will come but when we learn to love ourselves, loving others becomes easier.

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also on another note a couple years back i filmed a YouTube video for Valentine’s day. here is the link if you want a good laugh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQJfQXaoKRc (i can not believe i am sharing this, but heck with it, why not - and please no judgement or rude comments this was 5 years ago, i was bored, and being silly. positive vibes only zone).

iron sharpens iron

if you have been consistent in reading my blog posts you know i have been discussing a lot about goals and i wanted to further build upon these ideas, especially in regards to my post titled four for four. in this particular post i emphasized how as individuals it is initially up to us to hold ourselves accountable to reaching our goals and while this is true i feel it is also important to understand that we are not on this journey alone. so when i happened to come across Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12, a verse that had previously inspired me, my soul was touched again and i felt i had to dive a little deeper.

ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 reads:

“two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. if either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

simply put ecclesiastes 4: 9-12 states life is not meant to be lived alone, but instead with one another - that goes for goals too. yes, it is up to each individual to complete their goal, but having and accepting support is so important. support helps you when motivation is low. support reminds you why you do what you do when you have forgotten or been stuck in a rut, and sticks with you to see the process and the progress. not to mention support helps when needed.

what is interesting though is that oftentimes we fail to accept the help offered to us or we don’t seek the help we need when we face struggles. how sad that society gives us this idea we are weak if we ask for help. i’m here to tell you and reassure you that is one of the biggest lies i have heard. i mean just think about how many people have touched your life and helped get you to where you are today. from the day we are born we become part of this team and slowly we are taught all the tips and tricks to this thing called life. we learn to crawl, walk, run, talk, even how to talk back. then as we get older we began meeting more people; neighbors, family friends, teachers, classmates, coaches, teammates, religious communities, even the cashiers at the grocery store, etc. or maybe it’s been the many friends you have made who went out of their way to make your day slightly better whether it was them telling a joke or sliding a note under your college dorm door (yes! i had a friend who did that and it was literally the sweetest thing). oh or the random people on YouTube and Pinterest and Instagram who continuously share their tips and tricks of everything one needs to know; from how to’s, tutorials, workout sessions, they got the answers. really when you think about it everything we do is a combination of those who so graciously touched our lives.

so in a world where more people turn to substances and other unhealthy habits when they are struggling, speaking up is the strongest thing you could do. to recognize that hey, i can not do this on my own, is powerful. it is okay, and it is perfectly normal. life can be tough, but you beautiful people you are so much tougher. with the loving help of people who care for us we can continue to live that life we were always called to live. so if you need help, ask. if someone asks if you need help, accept the offer. we are stronger with one another.

take buildings for example. they need a solid foundation. well, the same is true for humans. that support and stability that are family, friends, and loved ones bring are what helps us stay strong. i mean there is no building that is only built with one piece of wood alone. instead it takes many pieces to create the foundation, let alone the beautiful structure. those who support us are our foundation, and are what help keep us strong. just as each piece of wood is important so is true to those who support us.

i can not even begin to say my thanks for all the support i have had over the years, especially in regards to my website these past 5 weeks. every time someone tells me they read one of my blog post i’m shocked because wow someone actually took the time out of their day to read what i had to say. such a cool concept to me. there were so many times where i questioned my work and had to force myself to push through in order to get a post up, but having a solid support team really helped. it gave me the courage to keep going by helping remind me i was just being too hard on myself.

support got me here. support got you here. support got us here.

(for those of you who do not feel that you are supported or do not have anyone to talk to just know i am always here for you and love you very much. feel free to message me by email - you can go to my contact page or through instagram messenger @amanda.lanee // everyone needs someone and i would be honored to help you in any way i can).

here & now

i originally had a different topic planned for today’s post, however, having heard the tragic and heart breaking news on Sunday that i am sure most, if not all, of you have heard about i felt god was pulling me towards a different message. a message that we all deeply know, yet continue to need reminding of it from time to time. it’s that,,

life is short.

even as i type this post up i’m emotional just thinking about it. my thoughts are jumbled and what i once wanted to say seems to have floated away somewhere in the space between myself and the laptop that easily rests upon my lap.

loss is painful, and devastating, as well as shattering. now none of the 9 who were on that plane were people whom i personally knew, or who i even had much knowledge about for that matter, and it was and is still saddening, just as any tragic event is.

as i continued to see posts and articles in regards to the helicopter crash that took 9 beautiful lives including Kobe and Gianna Bryant; John, Keri, and their daughter Alyssa Altobelli; Christina Mauser; Sarah and Payton Chester; and pilot, Ara Zobayan i just kept coming back to the idea that life is so precious,,, and fragile. i thought about the families, friends, communities grieving, the lost dreams for those who would never get to continue pursuing them, along with the little moments that would be forever lost. i recognized that as much as we could deny it there at some point would come an end and man i don’t know about you but that just makes me want to hold my loved ones closer.

now i do not want this post to be just filled with sadness and i realize that is what i have been doing up until this point but you beautiful people i hope you let this speak to you in a way that can empower you. yes, be sad - i am right there with you. i feel it. it’s been a heavy past few days, but what we can take out of a horrific occurrence; i hope you let that fuel you, and may that fire in your heart be further turned unto greatness.

we must live. not the mundane, go through the motions kind of living. no, i mean living fully and whole heartedly.

really what better way to honor our past loved ones though is to keep living? every day. to keep living. for those who are gone, but also for yourself. keep living because you are purposeful in his (god’s) image. not to mention because you my friend are amazing and deserve happiness.

here are some ways to living the life you were meant to:

• be present: so often we get caught up in our past or daydreaming of the future we forget to enjoy what is right in front of us. i get it, i do too (and sometimes more than i would honestly like to). it will happen, but it is so important to think about how we can really enjoy the here and now, because that is all we really have. the past? we had. been there, done that. we can not change it no matter how much we wish we could. the future? while it is a good thing to be thinking about as well as working towards (i.e. how we set goals) it prevents us from being fully in the moment. the present though, that is were we really get to work our magic, and have fun. please do no wish your todays away because of something in the future. look forward to it, yes, of course, but also embrace the moments you do have. further use those moments to create the best version of yourself. in an argument? apologize, even if you weren’t the one in the wrong, who really cares? is it worth the fight? drifting friendships? reach out. trust me in the fact that it will not be awkward in the least because people will love that you thought of them. unfinished projects, plans, dreams, goals? get to work. do not give up. afraid of failure? shoot your shot. you will never know until you try and if you fail, continue until you don’t; greatness is not achieved overnight. oh and the little moments; cherish them, each and everyone. continue to pursue to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

• do you: i know this sounds obvious, but it is so important to remind ourselves that we are fully capable of making decisions for ourselves. if you want to open up a bake shop or restaurant even though your parents always imagined you would be a doctor? do it. you want to write a book or act in a movie. go for it. your future is yours. do what makes you feel happy and do not give up when things take a turn in the wrong direction. re-evaluate and keep on pushing. do not settle loves - build the life you dreamed of.

• love unconditionally: now i’ll be honest this one is not always easy and especially when someone does something that annoys or hurts your feelings. i always go back to thinking about conversations though and trying to leave every conversation in a good place because what if that is the last conversation you had with that person? would you be happy with it? would you wish you had said something else? something more? we truly just do not know what each day will be like. life is unpredictable and tomorrow is never promised. that is why it is so very important to be kind. to be thoughtful, to love more. tell your love ones you love them, appreciate them, and care about them because there might come a day when you (or they) can not be there.

four for four

guys! gals! you beautiful people you! this is the 4th week. in a row. that i have posted! and while it might not seem like much because the number four is a rather small number. for example if i were to say, “i have 4 dollars” you wouldn’t be too impressed, but what i speak of has less to do with the number and has everything to do with sticking to goals.

in these past few posts i have discussed with you all about owning the year and making it yours through setting goals and creating the steps to get there. i want to make it clear with you all though that while i am so excited i have managed to stick with it these past four weeks (something that has never happened in the past two years of my website being around - talk about monumental) it was not easy. yes, sticking to one post per week, a rather manageable goal, was still tough. week one - a breeze, week two - the fire was still fueled, and that’s when it hit me, week three. now week three i had already written out an idea of what i wanted to discuss, but because i also had other things going on i knew i needed to get it typed up tuesday or at least the majority. my busy mind, stressed out, started to think well maybe if i don’t get around to it i can always just post it one day late. not bad. i mean i was busy and one day couldn’t and would’t really hurt right?

wrong! i told myself that i was to post once a week, on wednesday. reasonable enough. thing is, earlier in the week i had time that i could have been working on it and simply choose not to, so if i had to pay the price by staying up a bit later i would make a point to do so. no excuses. plus, i couldn’t give up my goal, it was too soon. now i realize there is sure to come a day when matters are really too much, and unexpected things happen to the point where i really will not be able to get it done, but when that day comes i am not going to stress over it because i will have the motivation to get back to it as soon as matters allow. that’s why now i am so focused on building a strong foundation and when things like that happen i can easily jump back to them. right now i am still in the process of breaking some habits, and getting over that initial struggle to creating a better and more consistent routine for my blog. so yes, i am going to face some times where i have to force myself to work through it, but what i am creating for myself will be well worth it.

the book i am currently reading goes hand and hand with this topic. “girl wash your face” by rachel hollis, the book almost every girl posts about on her ig while reading and righteously so because rachel knows whats up, is truly a book that we can all relate to, especially in regards to promises and how it is important we do not break the promises we make to ourselves. she provided the example of a friend who often breaks promises and reminds us how we would not trust an individual who had such habits as easily. yet, we often break promises to ourselves. over and over again we break promises to ourselves. uhhh can someone say relatable. there have been plenty of times i say i want to start doing something, and i never get around to it. even recently i told myself i would try one new lunch and dinner every week as a way to get into cooking. i even wrote it down to make it seem more important, but because the habit of not cooking was there and little to no effort was put into looking up recipes, grocery shopping the items i would need, and actually making and cleaning up (it’s a whole process i tell ya) i never even made it past the first week. what can i say i like eating it more than making it, but i really do want to get better about it. honestly, it’s a bit embarrassing how poor of an effort i put into it thinking back, but it’s so true and we all have been there, at one time or another. why do we do this to ourselves? one word. habits.

habits do not break over night though; they take time, effort, trails, struggles, mini successes, determination, persistence, love, kindness - you gotta be all in. thing is, it’s tough being all in 24/7, seven days a week, in every aspect of your life. all in is physically and mentally draining not to mention there just does not seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. that means we won’t always be able to do it all, but we can still be all in, in everything we do. i’ll say that again; we won’t always be able to do it all, but we can still be all in, in everything we do. week three of my blogs, i.e. the one that i had to remind myself to just getter done and not hold off, i had to cut out my workout for the night in order to write it. i had originally planned on working out and typing up a new blog, but because other errands took longer to do it meant something was going to have to give and seeing the blog post needed to be up on wednesday it took priority over working out. i was bummed that i broke the promise of working out to myself. it was a usual workout day and i wanted to have time to do, however, time got away from me, but thank goodness i had already built a fairly good habit when it comes to working out that i knew darn right i would jump right back into it. it was important though that i stuck to working through those struggles with my blog and that i got back to my workout goal like i said i would. so are you holding yourself to your goals or letting habits get in the way of achieving your goals? what is one thing you can do to help you improve achieving your goals? one thing to help you fight those instincts? focus on that this week and celebrate each little milestone you reach because these seemingly little guys are what help form solid, healthy, new habits. four posts in four weeks, check. here’s to four more, and even more after that.

it’s not you, it’s me, it’s us

let’s talk a bit about emotions. these bad boys are powerful and sometimes it takes just about all our energy not to let them get the best of us. now this is especially true when people all of a sudden, out of what feels like nowhere, get upset with us. a typical reaction usually involves some defensive responses and getting upset, annoyed, or a mix of the two. i know for a fact i am personally guilty of this from time to time because it is such an easy response, but it is so important that we learn to control such feelings and not take things so personal.

now defensive behavior is natural for us as it is a way we try to protect ourselves; it’s a form of survival. the question then is what are we trying to protect ourselves from when a huge proportion of arguments start with one person releasing their own negative energy towards someone who really has no or little connection to the problem? (this is something we will further discuss at a later date) but what we see is that we often are creating our own battles when there was never really one to begin with.

early this week i experienced a similar situation as the ones i am referring to. i was on the phone with a friend when all of a sudden they got upset with me and told me they were going to hang up. i immediately said their name and then afterwards said reeeaalllly? i noticed my first reaction was one of annoyance. why where they being so rude when all i was trying to do was simply suggest something to them in hopes to help their dilemma? easy. when you are frustrated just about every little thing becomes annoying and for no real particular reason, other than it just is. you tend to say things you don’t really mean and/or they come out more harsh then intended, and stubbornness (oh you already know it). thing is when we are upset we usually are not in the right mindset, not thinking the most positive, nor are we truly taking into consideration our words and actions like we should. thus, when others get upset with us we have to stop to remember how it feels to be upset. we must take caution with our own actions to help our fellow brothers and sisters because we might not always see the root of the problem (more than not we won’t) but it is important we understand that there is always more to the situation just as we would want others to be understanding and patient with us when we are upset. sure harsh feelings are taken out on innocent individuals, but after taking a few seconds to evaluate the situation and focus on why the individual is upset one can further show care and concern for where they are at, be patient, and offer help where capable, just as i had done with my friend over the phone. trust me both people feel so much better when situations are handled with love, compassion, and kindness. in no way though do i want this to come across as a bragging moment - sure i was quite proud of myself for how i was able to handle the situation, but i definitely do not always respond in such a way. i have been that friend responding out of pure frustration; plenty of times too. just as there have been plenty of times were i let my emotions get the best of me and spoken too soon, as well as have made a small situation into a bigger deal just as i am sure you have too. why i mention this story though is because it made me realize that, as i had mentioned in my last blog post, focusing on a single word really did help. the word i leaned on junior year was patience. i was terrible at patience for the absolute longest time, but in that situation i was so calm and accepting. further, i noticed that even in other situations happening in my life i was handling with a more open mind. simply, i was not taking it so personal. talk about full circle.

now not taking things personal is easier said than done am i right? it is possible though and especially when you focus on understanding that everything is not always about you. sometimes people are going to get mad at you; most times though it really has nothing to do with you. so please my loves do not take everything so personal. brush it off. lend a hand, an ear, show some compassion and be patient. we are all going through our own battles, lets help build each other up.

“praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” - 2 corinthians 1:3-4

all in.

for the last couple of years i have really leaned into a words and specifically focusing on one for a certain amount of time. now this does not mean i am constantly thinking of the word, nor that the amount of time focusing on it is set amount of time. simply i use the words as a way to remember what i need to improve at and once i feel comfortable and confident portraying and embodying the word do i change it. sometimes you might have a word you focus on for awhile, change it, and come back to it, but it all just depends on what you see fit.

my junior year of college i focused on the word patience. i was constantly thinking ahead, wondering why certain things weren’t happening in my life; like having a boyfriend, or traveling around the world. i was impatient with the process and wanted to jump straight into things such as a life being able to shoot pictures around the world - funny enough i was not actually doing the work it took to get there. no wonder why i still have yet to achieve said goal. despite knowing that my time would come i was still in a hurry comparing myself to other peoples journeys. that year i ended up purchasing a bible verse photograph for over my bed that read, “he has made everything beautiful in its time” - ecclesiastes 3:11 thus it became a reminder that there was a time and place for everything and my only job was to be patient and trust in the process.

then my senior year of college i focused on the word faith. senior year was a roller coaster of emotions. the first half went smooth, but the final semester a lot happened and it was a season that although i made the best of it (in such that i really honed in on my relationship with god) was a really rough time. many nights were spent in tears questioning myself and feeling alone. i struggled, but most importantly i grew and i will always be thankful for that.

which gets me to this year, 2020. really it still shocks me that it is already the new year. this past week while writing a letter to a special someone i came to the realization that i have been holding back. holding back in my relationships, as well as in regards to my goals, hobbies, work, and health, even holding back in my faith. now there are probably a lot of reason for this, some that i will continue to discover, but having sat with this realization i have come to name a few. i think two of the biggest reasons we as humans tend to hold back in anything we do is the fear of failure or rejection (2 things that i have greatly worked at over the years and continue to work at). being a perfectionist in my work has meant that i have struggled with failure if projects do not turn out exactly as i want them to be. as for fear of rejection growing up shy i tended to lack confidence. thing is i don’t want to be just half in, you miss out on too much. instead i want to be immersed in the things i do because while it’s still fun to wade in the water it’s more fun running and jumping in (well unless you have not learned to swim then that could be a problem) or hiking - what fun is it if you spend time hiking, but turn around right before you reach the spectacular view at the top?

with this new realization and the new year having just rolled in i thought to myself what can i focus on? what will help me make this year even better than the last? now my passions were not at a complete loss and motivation was there just not at the full force that it could well be at. in short i was being lazy to a degree. so i decided to focus on being all in.

i love it.

all in.

all in, no matter what i am doing. meaning that i would work hard in all areas of my life; always giving it 110 percent; whatever that might look like for the given day because we know as humans we are not always going to have good days and it’s okay if some days we get nothing done and others we are absolute all stars being super productive. additionally, like i discussed in my previous blog post, not letting myself get consumed in the bigger picture or goal, but simply breaking it down step by step and staying focused to accomplish those tasks would help me continue to make progress towards my goals.

when it all comes down to it though it is really about enjoying the process as cliché as that sounds. my friends, the process is so important though. it’s where we get to live, the time and space we get to enjoy. see we can not enjoy the future. sure we can look forward to it, but if we never slow down and focus on the present we will have wasted so much time and i don’t know about you, but i am tired of wasted time. i’m ready to get to work, ready to be present, and ready to be all in. are you?

2020 vision

it’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, and well look at that it’s a new year! how is it already 2020 you beautiful people?! i honestly have no clue how the past year went by so fast, but like always i am so very excited to see what is in store for this year!

that said, if you know me you are sure to know that this post is definitely not about my actual vision because i have pretty poor eyesight to say the least. about three years ago when i was getting my eyes checked in hawaii the ophthalmologist told me that my eyesight was worse then the average adult. imagine being told that at 20 years old!! cool doc, love that, i’ll be blind by thirty. literally one of my biggest fears, but we will save that topic for another time.

today i wanted to discuss new years resolutions with you all and how they are both helpful and hurtful to you and your year to come. resolutions are always good because they are a list of all the good things in life that we desire to achieve. whether that is working out more, eating healthy, not procrastinating, etc. they are all things that can improve the quality of your life and help you achieve so much. sadly though these goals are hard and most people don’t even stick to them for the first month. there have been studies done that prove that. from there it is easy to get caught back in old habits and next thing you know you keep telling yourself that it is too late and that maybe next year you will get better at it. the next new year comes and the one after that too and still nothing has changed. the thing is if you are not willing to get up and start making changes now you will not be in the new year. how badly do you want to see your new years resolutions in action? as a success?

new year resolutions are good, in the sense they give us an idea of what we want, but when we make them we have to think how can we achieve them and then make a plan to carry out. otherwise, our new year resolutions set us up for failure in sort - simply because they are more often than not huge changes or big accomplishments that take time and lots of it to see a difference. thus, it is important to create easy steps that are obtainable. you want to workout more? start by signing up for a class or gym membership. easy. step one done. build on and up, and that applies to any goal you want to achieve. next, when you start to slack off remember THAT IS OKAY. we are humans, imperfectly perfect beings who are going to mess up from time to time. let us try our best not let that stop us from getting back on track. refocus. i mean if you are driving somewhere and get lost do you ever just continue to stay lost? NO! or at least i know i sure don’t. instead you get back on the right track no matter how many wrong turns it takes to get you there. same should be with goals, we should never just give up because we get a bit off track. life is not perfect and nor will the path towards our goals be but i can promise you they will be worth it.

i started this website 2 years ago! my first year i was testing the waters and my second year (2019) i thought would be so much better. i thought i would be posting every two weeks and that my numbers would increase. some months were great where numbers exceeded the year before and other months i did not even write at all. i never let those down times stop me from coming back to it though. this website is my baby, my place to share all the lessons i have learned, my travels, my creative side, even to just be silly. i was still bummed though when i found out the amount of visits my website had in the second year was less then what i had in the first year. it felt like there was no improvement, but when i took the time to look there had been plenty of improvements made, they just weren’t the ones that i had imagined. so maybe i did not reach my original goal because i definitely did not make enough obtainable steps, nor did i stick to the ones i made to help me get there, but i did learn a lot and i did make some progress, even though it was not to the degree i hoped.

so here i am, continuing to trudge along on this path although not completely clear where i am going, i know that no matter what i will continue to pursue the best for myself, and for the glory of his name.

the key is persistence.

the key is determination.

the key is self love.

here is to 2020 my loves. let’s make it the best one yet!

“for the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” - 2 timothy 1

a thought

its been awhile since i have wrote a long post but i always feel inspired when i’m flying. maybe it’s the fact that everything that once seemed so big becomes so small, like somehow all the worries that were once there have simply floated away or maybe it’s just the fact i have the time to really sit with my thoughts, dive a little deeper into them.

that said here i am as i start out on my journey to Hawaii thinking admits the clouds and gorgeous views of mountain tops and i was thinking to myself how good life has been lately.

not only did i graduate from college and take a month long trip to Europe i came home to a job that has not taught me so much, and especially when it comes to patience, but has been a job i can honestly say i enjoy. i am in a good place with my family (it’s not always easy living back at home and let me tell you me and my parents got at it a lot when i first came back but things have been going well lately). i am surrounded with the most amazing and supportive friends who are consistently there and there even a boy who lets just say is alright (;

it’s kind of funny though looking back but there was a day (quite recently really) when i felt like things were honestly all so good, too good actually that i started to anticipate something would go wrong; wether it was because of someone or if i myself would manage to mess things up. i had doubts, i had fears and that was even before anything happened. i didn’t understand how everything could honestly be so good and i could still sit there and question it. it was frustrating period of time and i remember just being so confused but finally with the help of a beautiful podcast that @halleketh shared called, “I Caught A Thought” by Steven Furtick, i realized that what i was questioning was not others or myself, but simply questioning my faith and letting the negativity of the devil get inside my head. you see the devil can’t take anything away that god provides but when he can’t take things away he will try to take away your happiness and crazy as it may seem i believe that was exactly what was happening and in that moment i was letting him win.

and i think this can also go with certain relationships we have in our life as well, not that in anyway i am comparing them to the devil, but just that when people are jealous often times they will try to take your happiness away from you.

i had been previously praying for the confusion to be lifted and indeed it was, and since i’ve been praying for the strength needed to push those doubts aside because those thoughts don’t just disappear overnight or even over a course of a week. sometimes it’s takes a long time, but no matter what happens from here god provides, always.

if you have been going though anything just know you are not alone, now or ever and if you have any prayer requests please do not hesitate to share them (in comments or email) because there is such a beauty in prayer and praying for one another and most importantly prayer is powerful.

“for i know the plans i have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” - Jeremiah 29:11

straight outta the candy shop

it’s clearly been awhile since i have last posted and shared anything on my blog even though i constantly think about writing them or i start to and then loss the motivation to finish them, but here we are again, because i love writing and i love sharing things that get me thinking, or excited, or even the things i have learned that i feel might help even just one person.

for those of you who may not know the summer after my freshman year of college i got a job working at a souvenir and candy shop downtown. i live on a small island in southeast, alaska called ketchikan. it is a super touristy town in the summer with all of the cruise ships that come in so most young adults tend to work in the tourist industry since there is a high need.

that said; two weeks ago was the last time, not only of the season, but forever that i will be working at the candy/souviner shop seeing that it is going out of business. this was my first job and although i only worked part time this year due to taking a position more in my field of degree it has been a place that became apart of me.

it’s kind of funny how looking back i was so nervous about working there. i did not know how to run a register, i did not know any one that i would be working with, and i had no clue what was going to come of it or if i would like it. BUT i honestly would not have asked for anything to change because i truly could not have asked for a better group of people to work with, or for a better boss. these people who i worked with became like family to me and it made even the most boring of work days entertaining and fun.

so when it came to closing that last register for the last time, i got to thinking how strange seasons could be. how bittersweet it was to think back on all the memories that this building held and how many friendships were made during the past 4 years. as i thought to myself i was a bit sadden by the fact that there would be no new memories that would ever be quite like the ones before. yes, there would always be the memories, but it also meant that the chapter was closing into something new again and that sometimes something new can be a bit nerve wrecking at first; like the first day of work, or college.

even though i was saddened by the thought that things would never quite be the same i was also thinking of how happy i am with were my life has been going. i love my job working in the child’s mental health department and although the work is not always easy; snotty kids, or kids running, kicking, not listening, being sassy, or parents, being PARENTS my job has been exactly what i needed (truly i am exactly where i need to).

if you are in a season of change just know it’s completely okay to be feeling some mixed emotions. it’s hard closing chapters, but it’s also exciting to see what is ahead. keep living my loves. the world is a big place and there is so much in store for you to see and do, and people to meet, and food to try let's not let the past chapter hold us back from what lies ahead. so many good things are coming.

here’s to the strangers that became family

• mo: was the first person i knew i would be working with, mainly because he told me. we really did not know each other super well, but i am so glad to have worked with him because who else would i have bugged all the time lol

• raevynn; i remember she had followed me on social media and i did not follow her back because i was i did not know this youngster, but then i got to know her, i am not even completely sure how, but i was like wow this girl is super cool and now we are practically sisters, fetty sisters to be exact

• camille; was so quite at first and i am pretty sure it took us awhile before really talking to one another, but ever since we did we just seem to get each other and i will forever love our late night talks/walks and frozen yogurt runs. god bless my soul sis

• ashly: again i unfortunately do not recall our first encounter, but man i don’t know what i would do without her! such a sweet soul and one of my closest friends. forever my favorite game night person

• gabe: was always, i mean ALWAYS working on the candy side or restocking t-shirts. he was definitely one of the hardest workers at the store. we always had the best conversations about youtube and random stuff and it was so weird not having the boys around the store the last year, even though i was only part time - it just was not the same

• micheal: another hard worker always restocking, and taking pictures on everyone’s phones, or drawing little pictures and making stories in the back. okay some of that kind of makes it seem like he did not work as hard as he could but honestly those little random drawings or writings made work fun and exciting because you never expected what was coming and it provided a good little chuckle as you were working in the back

• renzo: aka flip-flop! i’m not even too sure how to describe him, but there were also so many laughs shared between us and the others. renzo is just a funny dude and my experience would not have been the same if he wasn’t there (also mad props for washing the windows - a job only he would do).

• nelly: oh nelly, she is a goof, but in the best way possible! singing and dancing around the store she brought the energy

• freddy: seeing that he mainly worked at the other store he only stopped by periodically, but he sure has a presence. fred is probably one of the most hard working people i have met to this day. driven to get things done, but also fun and light hearted. honestly, his little visits were always a pleasure, plus i enjoyed teasing each other

• mark: was so quite and only engaged in minimal conversation at first. clearly seeing that i would being closing the shop with him every weekend i could not let that slide so i naturally teased him until he was able to come out of his shell. like the other guys mark was one of the hardest workers and he made closing a breeze. all in all he became a pretty good friend.

• shiree: you could always count on her to fill your in on the latest news around town as well as the most random facts. regardless, there was always something to chat about and like the rest of the crew we were always joking around, such a fun atmosphere of people

to your beautiful

i used to find it vain to think i was attractive

but it’s not

there is a difference between being conceded and self loving

to know that you are as lovely as a field of flowers and as dazzling as a sunset filled sky or as breathtaking as the constellations and galaxies combined

it’s okay to love your smile, to love your curves, and freckles

Picasso would be amazed by you

we compare ourselves so much to others - impressed with them more than ourselves, but my dear you are just as amazing

maybe we get too used to ourselves we forget the beauty that we have and only are merely impressed by what we don’t

but night and day are so different babe it’s nothing to trade away

"you'll know"

i think it is safe to says it has been longer than i was hoping it would be between my last post and this one, but then again it is also sooner than i normally do between posts so i really shouldn’t be too hard on myself. i’ve have had quite a few posts ideas saved up since being in arizona at the beginning of the year and it was just a matter of finding the time to write them. having found a bit of time in this busy schedule and with valentines right around the corner i figured this would be the perfect time to talk about love, relationships, and singleness! yes, singleness too! and no not just because ya girl is still single, but because there is something really great about it.

as i was in arizona me and my nana went to visit one of her friends, phyllis, and having grown up around her like any loving family member the question: do you have a boyfriend? of course came up. obviously not having a boyfriend i replied with no and that is when she shared her love story of her and jerry.

disclaimer: the story i am about to tell is the short and sweet version, as well it is is not told nearly as good as when she told me, because listening to someone talk about their love (whether that be relationships or passions) is simply something you can not properly put into words so please bare with me… it is still a good one though.

phyllis had worked at a bank with a friend and seeing that her friend was getting married in 2 weeks the friends husband stopped by.. with jerry of course. this would be the first time phyllis and jerry had seen each other. shortly after her banker friend invited her to go to a basketball game with jerry. this would be their first date of sorts. now jerry was only in town for 30 days and then was deployed so their time together was short but as phyllis put it, “she couldn’t get rid of him.” they spent practically everyday day together and he was always there waiting for her when she got off of work. phyllis even mentioned that within a couple day or weeks of them hanging out jerry would talk about building a house, saying how there would be brick and always saying we (referring to him and her) in future plans. after he came back from being deployed they got married shorty after and they were married for 66 years. “you’ll know,” she told me, “ you’ll know when you find the one.”

but that wasn’t the only love story that i had recently heard. both my mom and nana had told me about their love stories. you see my dad gave up smoking to be with my mom and my papa quite drinking so much to be with my nana. if the relationship is meant to be there is nothing that can come between love and if there is something that does come between it then it wasn’t really love to begin with.

i don’t know, call me a hopeless romantic, but i really do believe that there will be some way of knowing when it is right. maybe not instantly, but that there is someone out there who is going to be madly in love with you and who you don’t need to worry about impressing. we live in a society that loves the idea of love, but often falters when it comes to actually loving. instead so many people are consumed in this hook up culture. guys, asking girls what’s your snap?” or if you like them when you barely know each other. ladies, we got stuff to work on too, but why are we trying so hard to fall in love with someone when half of us aren’t even in love with ourselves.

i can tell you personally i am right there with you. sometimes it’s a lot easy to be in love with yourself and some days you feel that nothing you are doing is right, but trust me we are all doing just fine, despite what society is telling us and despite what we think society is telling us. really we are all doing good and the only thing that changes how we think of ourselves is our mindset. it’s a lot easier said than done but honestly once you find some self love being single is pretty great.

i love being single. well okay, obviously having someone would be nice and there are definitely nights when i just want company and someone to cuddle. let’s be real who doesn’t? okay well for you relationship people you do have someone (and bless your soul, i really hope it is the right person). my point being that being single should not be seen as such a bad thing. we should be okay with singleness and here is why:

• relationships are going to happen at different times for everyone. everyone is on their own clock and while it might seem that you are behind, you are actually right where you need to be. do not rush into something because you are a certain age or all your friends are dating. there is no hurry. when the time comes it will come but for now enjoy where you are at, be present, and when you least expect it, it will come.

• being single is a time to grow, to learn about and fall in love with yourself, with life. date yourself. seriously DATE YOURSELF. learn to spend time alone; go out to eat by yourself, go to the movies by yourself, treat yourself to flowers, or a cookie. take a walk or write how your day is going. talk to god. use this time to become the best version of yourself so when you meant the one you will already have so much self love you will be able to share that with them.

• even if you are in a relationship, your singleness still matters. there are going to be things that you share in common but there will also be things that separate you from one another (not physically or mentally) but just that make you different and you still should enjoy those aspects of yourself. you want to go fishing with your buddies, do it! missing the gals? have a gals night! it’s great to bond, but personal time away from each other is important too. plus time spent apart can make relationships even stronger.

relationship or not

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.

.

you’ll know.