for the last couple of years i have really leaned into a words and specifically focusing on one for a certain amount of time. now this does not mean i am constantly thinking of the word, nor that the amount of time focusing on it is set amount of time. simply i use the words as a way to remember what i need to improve at and once i feel comfortable and confident portraying and embodying the word do i change it. sometimes you might have a word you focus on for awhile, change it, and come back to it, but it all just depends on what you see fit.

my junior year of college i focused on the word patience. i was constantly thinking ahead, wondering why certain things weren’t happening in my life; like having a boyfriend, or traveling around the world. i was impatient with the process and wanted to jump straight into things such as a life being able to shoot pictures around the world - funny enough i was not actually doing the work it took to get there. no wonder why i still have yet to achieve said goal. despite knowing that my time would come i was still in a hurry comparing myself to other peoples journeys. that year i ended up purchasing a bible verse photograph for over my bed that read, “he has made everything beautiful in its time” - ecclesiastes 3:11 thus it became a reminder that there was a time and place for everything and my only job was to be patient and trust in the process.

then my senior year of college i focused on the word faith. senior year was a roller coaster of emotions. the first half went smooth, but the final semester a lot happened and it was a season that although i made the best of it (in such that i really honed in on my relationship with god) was a really rough time. many nights were spent in tears questioning myself and feeling alone. i struggled, but most importantly i grew and i will always be thankful for that.

which gets me to this year, 2020. really it still shocks me that it is already the new year. this past week while writing a letter to a special someone i came to the realization that i have been holding back. holding back in my relationships, as well as in regards to my goals, hobbies, work, and health, even holding back in my faith. now there are probably a lot of reason for this, some that i will continue to discover, but having sat with this realization i have come to name a few. i think two of the biggest reasons we as humans tend to hold back in anything we do is the fear of failure or rejection (2 things that i have greatly worked at over the years and continue to work at). being a perfectionist in my work has meant that i have struggled with failure if projects do not turn out exactly as i want them to be. as for fear of rejection growing up shy i tended to lack confidence. thing is i don’t want to be just half in, you miss out on too much. instead i want to be immersed in the things i do because while it’s still fun to wade in the water it’s more fun running and jumping in (well unless you have not learned to swim then that could be a problem) or hiking - what fun is it if you spend time hiking, but turn around right before you reach the spectacular view at the top?

with this new realization and the new year having just rolled in i thought to myself what can i focus on? what will help me make this year even better than the last? now my passions were not at a complete loss and motivation was there just not at the full force that it could well be at. in short i was being lazy to a degree. so i decided to focus on being all in.

i love it.

all in.

all in, no matter what i am doing. meaning that i would work hard in all areas of my life; always giving it 110 percent; whatever that might look like for the given day because we know as humans we are not always going to have good days and it’s okay if some days we get nothing done and others we are absolute all stars being super productive. additionally, like i discussed in my previous blog post, not letting myself get consumed in the bigger picture or goal, but simply breaking it down step by step and staying focused to accomplish those tasks would help me continue to make progress towards my goals.

when it all comes down to it though it is really about enjoying the process as cliché as that sounds. my friends, the process is so important though. it’s where we get to live, the time and space we get to enjoy. see we can not enjoy the future. sure we can look forward to it, but if we never slow down and focus on the present we will have wasted so much time and i don’t know about you, but i am tired of wasted time. i’m ready to get to work, ready to be present, and ready to be all in. are you?