four for four

guys! gals! you beautiful people you! this is the 4th week. in a row. that i have posted! and while it might not seem like much because the number four is a rather small number. for example if i were to say, “i have 4 dollars” you wouldn’t be too impressed, but what i speak of has less to do with the number and has everything to do with sticking to goals.

in these past few posts i have discussed with you all about owning the year and making it yours through setting goals and creating the steps to get there. i want to make it clear with you all though that while i am so excited i have managed to stick with it these past four weeks (something that has never happened in the past two years of my website being around - talk about monumental) it was not easy. yes, sticking to one post per week, a rather manageable goal, was still tough. week one - a breeze, week two - the fire was still fueled, and that’s when it hit me, week three. now week three i had already written out an idea of what i wanted to discuss, but because i also had other things going on i knew i needed to get it typed up tuesday or at least the majority. my busy mind, stressed out, started to think well maybe if i don’t get around to it i can always just post it one day late. not bad. i mean i was busy and one day couldn’t and would’t really hurt right?

wrong! i told myself that i was to post once a week, on wednesday. reasonable enough. thing is, earlier in the week i had time that i could have been working on it and simply choose not to, so if i had to pay the price by staying up a bit later i would make a point to do so. no excuses. plus, i couldn’t give up my goal, it was too soon. now i realize there is sure to come a day when matters are really too much, and unexpected things happen to the point where i really will not be able to get it done, but when that day comes i am not going to stress over it because i will have the motivation to get back to it as soon as matters allow. that’s why now i am so focused on building a strong foundation and when things like that happen i can easily jump back to them. right now i am still in the process of breaking some habits, and getting over that initial struggle to creating a better and more consistent routine for my blog. so yes, i am going to face some times where i have to force myself to work through it, but what i am creating for myself will be well worth it.

the book i am currently reading goes hand and hand with this topic. “girl wash your face” by rachel hollis, the book almost every girl posts about on her ig while reading and righteously so because rachel knows whats up, is truly a book that we can all relate to, especially in regards to promises and how it is important we do not break the promises we make to ourselves. she provided the example of a friend who often breaks promises and reminds us how we would not trust an individual who had such habits as easily. yet, we often break promises to ourselves. over and over again we break promises to ourselves. uhhh can someone say relatable. there have been plenty of times i say i want to start doing something, and i never get around to it. even recently i told myself i would try one new lunch and dinner every week as a way to get into cooking. i even wrote it down to make it seem more important, but because the habit of not cooking was there and little to no effort was put into looking up recipes, grocery shopping the items i would need, and actually making and cleaning up (it’s a whole process i tell ya) i never even made it past the first week. what can i say i like eating it more than making it, but i really do want to get better about it. honestly, it’s a bit embarrassing how poor of an effort i put into it thinking back, but it’s so true and we all have been there, at one time or another. why do we do this to ourselves? one word. habits.

habits do not break over night though; they take time, effort, trails, struggles, mini successes, determination, persistence, love, kindness - you gotta be all in. thing is, it’s tough being all in 24/7, seven days a week, in every aspect of your life. all in is physically and mentally draining not to mention there just does not seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done. that means we won’t always be able to do it all, but we can still be all in, in everything we do. i’ll say that again; we won’t always be able to do it all, but we can still be all in, in everything we do. week three of my blogs, i.e. the one that i had to remind myself to just getter done and not hold off, i had to cut out my workout for the night in order to write it. i had originally planned on working out and typing up a new blog, but because other errands took longer to do it meant something was going to have to give and seeing the blog post needed to be up on wednesday it took priority over working out. i was bummed that i broke the promise of working out to myself. it was a usual workout day and i wanted to have time to do, however, time got away from me, but thank goodness i had already built a fairly good habit when it comes to working out that i knew darn right i would jump right back into it. it was important though that i stuck to working through those struggles with my blog and that i got back to my workout goal like i said i would. so are you holding yourself to your goals or letting habits get in the way of achieving your goals? what is one thing you can do to help you improve achieving your goals? one thing to help you fight those instincts? focus on that this week and celebrate each little milestone you reach because these seemingly little guys are what help form solid, healthy, new habits. four posts in four weeks, check. here’s to four more, and even more after that.

all in.

for the last couple of years i have really leaned into a words and specifically focusing on one for a certain amount of time. now this does not mean i am constantly thinking of the word, nor that the amount of time focusing on it is set amount of time. simply i use the words as a way to remember what i need to improve at and once i feel comfortable and confident portraying and embodying the word do i change it. sometimes you might have a word you focus on for awhile, change it, and come back to it, but it all just depends on what you see fit.

my junior year of college i focused on the word patience. i was constantly thinking ahead, wondering why certain things weren’t happening in my life; like having a boyfriend, or traveling around the world. i was impatient with the process and wanted to jump straight into things such as a life being able to shoot pictures around the world - funny enough i was not actually doing the work it took to get there. no wonder why i still have yet to achieve said goal. despite knowing that my time would come i was still in a hurry comparing myself to other peoples journeys. that year i ended up purchasing a bible verse photograph for over my bed that read, “he has made everything beautiful in its time” - ecclesiastes 3:11 thus it became a reminder that there was a time and place for everything and my only job was to be patient and trust in the process.

then my senior year of college i focused on the word faith. senior year was a roller coaster of emotions. the first half went smooth, but the final semester a lot happened and it was a season that although i made the best of it (in such that i really honed in on my relationship with god) was a really rough time. many nights were spent in tears questioning myself and feeling alone. i struggled, but most importantly i grew and i will always be thankful for that.

which gets me to this year, 2020. really it still shocks me that it is already the new year. this past week while writing a letter to a special someone i came to the realization that i have been holding back. holding back in my relationships, as well as in regards to my goals, hobbies, work, and health, even holding back in my faith. now there are probably a lot of reason for this, some that i will continue to discover, but having sat with this realization i have come to name a few. i think two of the biggest reasons we as humans tend to hold back in anything we do is the fear of failure or rejection (2 things that i have greatly worked at over the years and continue to work at). being a perfectionist in my work has meant that i have struggled with failure if projects do not turn out exactly as i want them to be. as for fear of rejection growing up shy i tended to lack confidence. thing is i don’t want to be just half in, you miss out on too much. instead i want to be immersed in the things i do because while it’s still fun to wade in the water it’s more fun running and jumping in (well unless you have not learned to swim then that could be a problem) or hiking - what fun is it if you spend time hiking, but turn around right before you reach the spectacular view at the top?

with this new realization and the new year having just rolled in i thought to myself what can i focus on? what will help me make this year even better than the last? now my passions were not at a complete loss and motivation was there just not at the full force that it could well be at. in short i was being lazy to a degree. so i decided to focus on being all in.

i love it.

all in.

all in, no matter what i am doing. meaning that i would work hard in all areas of my life; always giving it 110 percent; whatever that might look like for the given day because we know as humans we are not always going to have good days and it’s okay if some days we get nothing done and others we are absolute all stars being super productive. additionally, like i discussed in my previous blog post, not letting myself get consumed in the bigger picture or goal, but simply breaking it down step by step and staying focused to accomplish those tasks would help me continue to make progress towards my goals.

when it all comes down to it though it is really about enjoying the process as cliché as that sounds. my friends, the process is so important though. it’s where we get to live, the time and space we get to enjoy. see we can not enjoy the future. sure we can look forward to it, but if we never slow down and focus on the present we will have wasted so much time and i don’t know about you, but i am tired of wasted time. i’m ready to get to work, ready to be present, and ready to be all in. are you?