the curse of the cold sore

i realized that the bulk on my blog posts are quite serious

i guess i just always want to share what i have learned but honestly i don’t want it to be just heavy heartfelt talks

i want to just talk about casual stuff too

like for example how annoying are cold sores?!!

a week or so ago my friend sent a message and was asking about cold sores, next thing i know BAM i got one

i don’t know how she did it but it was like magic and i have had it ever since

she just won’t go anyway

so i ended up buying abreve which is ridiculously expensive for a tiny little tube

talk about a complete ripoff

i paid $21.99 for a tube that hold .7 ounces

all in the name of beauty

but for real cold sores are gross and honestly if i didn’t pick at it it probably would have healed faster but it was just so annoying

i’m not really even sure how to end this but hopefully you have a wonderful day loves

say buh bye to this cold sore we are kicking her to the curb

the little things

since my winter break was four weeks long this year i was blessed with spending three of those weeks at home and one week in arizona city with my nana. now having been in arizona for 5 nights and 4 days already there have been quite a few things that have stuck out to me and instead of writing them as the happened, i realized that i was kind of glad i waited because when it came down to it they were all related. they were the little things.

it started with the day i arrived. i was greeted with an absolutely beautiful sunset from the plane. i don’t know what it is but there is just something so special about sunsets. i swear there will never be a day where i will be tired of watching a sunset, and especially one from a plane. then a couple days later i noticed another beautiful sunset peering in through the kitchen window. i kid you not the moment i saw it i was practically out the door and rushing to get my sandals on. grabbing my bike and pedaling as fast as i could out of the park and down the road, i was literally chasing the sunset. when i got to where there was nothing blocking the sky i completely stopped and just stared. there i was sitting on my bike as cars passed going to and from. i wondered to myself why was nobody else stopping? why was nobody else enjoying this beautiful moment? i swear i could have stopped and stared for hours, but knowing that my nana would be worried if it got too much darker i turned around only to find that what was behind me was also just as beautiful at what i had been perplexed by in front of me. the colors were not nearly as vibrant but the soft pastel hues were just as gorgeous. i stopped again, looking back to where i had been originally gazing and having already changed colors i was in awe again. no matter where i looked the sky was absolutely gorgeous. even riding the bike, i forgot how freeing it was, and between biking and sunset, it was truly a moment. i mean i am a sucker for sunsets but i tell you it was an experience even though it was so simple.

not only have the sunsets been amazing but the other day we (me and my nana) also went to marshals so i could pick up a bigger size purse for travel and our paths happened to cross this lady. i don’t recall her name, but my was she a pleasure to meet. i mean i had no clue upon the beginning of our encounter, my nana is always so friendly to people; chatting and hugging and i honestly used to be a little timid about it seeing that you never know how people might respond. not everyone wants to be touched and especially by a stranger, but her heart is so loving and she is by far one of the friendliest of people you will probably ever met - i believe she is an angel from above. anyway my nana had started talking to her and next thing we were all talking, laughing, and hugging. it was so pure and genuine, really something the world could use more of. there is something so powerful about people and strangers at that coming together and find commonalities, just being humans; not worried about what the future, completely engaged in the moment.

and then there was today. i had been meaning of getting ahold of an insurance company, one that i had mistakenly paid for awhile back through my school. they had sent me mail in regards to filing some information out. honestly, i had no desire doing it knowing that it was likely to be a hassle (can we say adulting) but really i had been putting it off for a couple of weeks. i finally decided it was best to just get it over with and even though i had to talk to three different people and it took quite awhile to get figured out not only did i get it done with but one of the individuals on the line told me she liked my name. something she obviously didn’t need to do, and while it does not seem like much it was a pleasant surprise in the day to hear.

i tell you this though because sometimes we forget that all of our moments do not have to be grand. i know i do, but there is no amount of money, fancy cars or houses, higher positions, or material items can make you feel the way i am talking about. no words will ever do justice, these moments are just too indescribable. you simply have to feel it, and i hope you have. so please, you beautiful people you, never forget the splendor of the little things, for these my loves are really the big things, the things that make your heart sing.

choose happy

decemeber 31st 2018 i wasn’t feeling all that great. i figured i would be ringing in the new year sick. having already planned to hang out with a good friend though i decided i would still celebrate new years eve in hopes i just needed a change of scenery after having spent hours tucked away in my room editing photos. however, upon making it to my friends house that didn’t seem to be the case and despite the multiple times during the night thinking i wouldn’t stay awake to reign in 2019, i somehow managed to push through. that said i paid the price the next day. not only did i end up sleeping until 12 i only made it maybe couple hours before getting back in bed with a rag over my head in hopes to ease the headache that i knew would come from the moment i woke. i felt like i had completely wasted the day and in honestly wanted to cry because what a way to start the year. definitely not how i pictured the beginning of 2019 going. then i remembered that just because it didn’t start great doesn’t mean that it won’t be great and here is why;

- the beginning of the year or month is not going to change things. only you can do that. your attitude and mindset, your dedication and perseverance that is all up to you. you want it to makes changes? you want to start something new? you want it to be the best year yet? do it. there is no better time than the present.

- there are going to be sad days, frustrating days, stressful days; that loves is a given, but there will also be happy days and lots of them. do not let the struggles of today define tomorrow.

- life is up to you. you are the artist to your future. paint the picture you want. your life is in your hands, because even though we can not control everything we do get to choose how we let it affect us. the way we react is our choice.

- life to too beautiful and we are too blessed not to be completely and utterly in love with our stories. sure life isn’t always easy and things do not always go as planned but life is pretty gosh darn amazing when you really stop to look, to think, to notice.

i am telling you; perspective is everything.

let’s make 2019 the next best year because every year should be the best one yet. here’s to making this one even better than the one before. let’s choose happy.

50mm perspective

if you follow me on Instagram hopefully y’all didn’t mind the long story from the photo shoot the other day. in all honestly though, that was the first time in months that i have been the slightest bit excited to get back behind the camera. now that’s not to say i don’t still enjoy or love photography because that is far from the true. it’s been a passion of mine for as long as i can remember and i am always wanting to capture moments. however, recently (and by recently i mean since summer) i have struggled with photography. instead of it being something i was passionate about it became a stressor. it started with some people not completely respecting my work. needless to say, i took a lot of it to heart. i mean as a photographer you want your clients happy, obviously, but i was so hard on myself. i started disliking taking photos because i was never happy with the outcome of my edits. i always told myself i would come back to them, try again, but no amount of time seemed to shake this funk.

then a couple days ago i had planned to meet up with two amazingly talented photographers (one a good friend of mine and one who i was going to be meeting for the first time - links to their work below) and a model to do a little shot. i was skeptical and completely nervous not feeling confident in the fact that i was even going to produce anything good, but as i was packing i noticed i had a 50mm lens. pretty sure i had never even used it before, but figured what the heck why not. i mean i have nothing to lose, might as well try something new, right? funny thing was i was actually beyond pleased with it and for the first thing in a long time i was a bit excited to be back at it. looks like all i needed was a new perspective. in this case both physically, with the new lens, and mentally, not expecting anything out of it. sometimes you just have to look at things differently.

the story doesn’t even stop there though because we also choose the library as our location, which i have never been a fan of artificial lighting. i swear the day i buy a house the leading factor is going to be good natural lightening. that is besides the point though. even here i was impressed with a few different shots i managed to snag. below is my favorite indoor shot from the shoot.

i guess what i am trying to say is we all go through rough patches in whatever it may be. important thing is if you love it enough you can’t let anything get in the way, especially other people. now i am still not fully out of my creative funk, but i am getting there; i have faith in that. thanks goes to those who have stuck by and supported me and my photography, always encouraging me to pick up my camera even when i didn’t feel like it. friends support friends, and that little push helped me push myself. so what’s holding you back from doing the things you always wanted to do?

need the push? well this is it. do it.

above: outside shots front the shoot

also be sure to check out my talented friends’ instagrams

  • @nahoniokalani

  • @thomas.timeless.photography

god's plan

i have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and yet, when it came to friendships growing distant i struggled. i tended to blamed myself, questioned where i went wrong, and fought with my every ounce to make the friendships work.

than it hit me and as cliche as it sounds i knew it was not my fault because similar to people coming in your life for a reason, people also leave for a reason.

thing is god’s plans are greater than mine, greater than what my plans have been, and greater than what my plans will every be. i know this because i have seen what he can do. i remember visiting my campus the summer before my senior year of high school and i honestly had no desire to attend, only to end up attending my freshman year, and now look 4 years later i will be graduating from the same school i swore i would never attend and you want to know what - it was the best decision i have ever made (thanks to god’s plan), because where i am now with the people in my life i could not be happier.

his plan. not mine. lead me to where i am.

and even though i know this it still is hard. friendships are hard and drifting apart is even harder. i still struggle with it because i connect easy. i see the potential and goodness and i love deeply, but the more i focused my time on saving relationships (ones that weren’t meant to stay - at least not now, in this season), the more i was actually hurting. once i distanced myself by not putting my heart into one way friendships was able to really see and appreciate the wonderful people in my life who do love and care for me (and the thing is i never have to question these friendships because they constantly remind me, even in the littlest ways).

if you are struggling with friendships growing distant remember that everything has a purpose; coming and going and you deserve a overflowing love; please don’t settle for being a convenience.

“to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” - ecclesiastes 3:1

senior season

welp, here we have it; my last first day of school. isn't crazy how fast time flies? although that is besides the point of this particular blog post.

i guess i mainly popped on here to write because 1. i figured i should get better at being more consistent in my blog but more so because 2. i want to remember these moments and especially seeing how hectic this first (last) day went down.

not only am i on my period which ladies you know what i mean when i say it is exhausting, but my internship interview ended up being rescheduled, i mistakenly ordered the wrong book for one of my classes, and was almost late to another class.

needless to say things were just not seeming to work in my favor but what was interesting about it was that i noticed was how relaxed i felt about it all. i mean i definitely wish that it had all gone down smoother but i was pleasing surprised by the calmness in my heart (an unusual reaction for me in such situations). no matter what life threw at me today, for whatever reason, it didn't matter. i was in control.

but that's the thing is it's easier to just blurt something out or react in a way we wish we hadn't or feel that something is outside our capabilities. we have so much power in each of us though because even when we can't choose what happens to us we can choose how we respond..

how we respond is our choice

and if that isn't powerful than i don't know what it. 

take it back to my last post where i talked about struggling with friendships. i choose to let the situation effect me in unhealthy ways and it brought my whole mood down until i made new choices to change how i initially responded. it definitely was not easy but it it truly amazing what we are capable when we really put our whole into it.

that is what i want this school year to be; to be present, enjoying whatever comes my way because we only get one day like today. really, think about it. today is the only day that will be just like this.

so here's to forgetting our worries, soaking up all the good, having an amazing school year, and living our best lives!

bummer summer?

you could say that this summer was definitely not how i had pictured it and it was no phineas and ferb "best summer ever," or at least not how you might think, but even so i couldn't say that i would want it any other way.

for me aside from working 8 hours, 5 days a week (can we say adulting) i went through a rather hard season and struggled with some friendships. many days i felt alone (despite knowing indeed that i wasn't) and that nobody cared (another thing i knew wasn't true) but i continued to listen to the lies in my head and i let them affect the way i saw others and even how i saw myself because not only am i extremely hard on myself but i am a sensitive soul who takes things to heart.

and even though i too struggle at times with this same concept i hope you can remember that just because you think something, does not mean that it is true and i will say it again because it is so important; just because you think something, does not mean that it is true. heck ancients believed the earth was flat for thousands of years only to find that it was round (completely the opposite) and same goes for our thoughts because we are humans (imperfectly perfect beings constantly learning and growing admits the countless good and bad experiences we have).

EVERY EXPERIENCE IS PURPOSEFUL 

really though. every thing you go through; the happy, sad, angry, frustrated, and everything in between has a purpose and helps create the person we were meant to be.

i learned so much about myself this summer through my experiences and even though all of them weren't the most pleasant they were so important for me to undergo. 

"for i know the plans i have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"  - jeremiah 29:11

i couldn't begin to thank my family and friends who have and continue to love and support me even on my worst days. you are real ones and i am so happy god gave me you!

god gave me you - dave barnes

blessings of a father

(written a couple days after fathers day - edited and posted waaaay after; lol i am always late when posting)

i know this is a bit late, seeing that fathers day has clearly come and past for this year, but it was just too important of a message not to share.

the other day as i came home from work to see my father fast asleep in the chair i was reminded just how much this man has done for me and my mother.

the countless hours that he spent working away from home every other week, grueling hours that indeed a body should not have to endure,  he did it for over 25 years because despite it not being his favorite thing or a dream job he was working to make sure that we had a good, secure, and safe life. 

and maybe it took me awhile to fully and truly appreciate all that he has done but now i see it clearer than ever. i see it in his exhausted eyes as he comes home every other week. i see it when he falls asleep just seconds after sitting back in his chair and i even see it in the frustration that sparks from even the littlest of things.

it's easy to get so wrapped up and consumed in the bad things or the things we see that aren't how we want them to be.

maybe my dad didn't attend everything of mine, but he was there when it mattered. and maybe he doesn't always notice every time i get a haircut or new things, or gets excited about all of the things i talk about but he cares, and he cares a lot. he would hold the world in the palm of his hand if he could for me.

i am forever grateful of my father and all that he has done for me and i am so excited to see him enjoy his retirement so very soon because he deserves it and more.

so remember just because we can't always see the things people do for us trust me there are people out there that would move mountains for you and people who love you very much.

 

all about that mindset baby

well today was a day, a good day at that and i just wanted to talk about mindset because honestly so much of how we see things is based on our mindset. i mean really the power of how we perceive things is within us and i am not just saying this because i found some really good pinterest quote or read some life altering book. no, i experienced it first hand, time and time again. i am telling you i am living proof that where our mind is, is half of our problem.

for the longest time and by longest time i mean pretty much birth to about a year ago did i make it clear that cardio was not my thing and that i would never be a runner. little did i know that i actually would quite enjoy running, and while i am by far not the fastest i am not completely terrible. anyway, less than a year ago that was my mindset. i believed that i wasn't good at it, that i that i simply couldn't do it and you want to know what; i was right. i couldn't.. because i had already told myself, even before i tried, that i would fail and so that is exactly what i did, i failed.

then when i realized that my workouts weren't showing the improvements i wanted i decided that it was time to start at least incorporating some running into my workouts. still, i didn't expect much from it. heck, when i first started i'll be completely honest i couldn't even run a mile straight. it took me time to slowly build up endurance and even when i could my time was not where i wanted it to be.

i'll tell you there were SO many days when i didn't want to run or workout but i pushed myself. i got dressed, and made a point to at least do something whether it was the best workout or not. i at least i made a point to be there and be as present as the day allowed. there were a lot of bad workout days, but there were also many more great workout days once i got there.

and here we are today, positioned somewhere i never even imagined to be because today i hit running double digits. the big one zero. yes, i somehow managed to run 10 miles none-stop. definitely did not EVER picture that happening, but i did it and not because it was easy, but because i choose to change my mindset. to change the cants into cans and to push myself to new limits because sometimes the victory comes after the pain.

today. i didn't want to run and i even took a nap before i did because i was tired from a busy past couple days at work, but it was a nice day so i took advantage of the decent weather and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran some more. i am telling you 10 miles is a looooong time and there were plenty of times that i considered shorting it, especially because the longest i have ever run before was 7.5 miles. by mile 6 i started to feel it, by miles 7, 8, and 9 i wasn't sure i would be able to make it and by 10 i was barely moving BUT i still ran the whole way and i'm so happy that i did because wow what an accomplishment and i even got to run for a cause too (check out the app charity miles).

still all smiles afterwards ( however, not pictured; guzzling a bunch of water and instantly tight legs)

still all smiles afterwards ( however, not pictured; guzzling a bunch of water and instantly tight legs)

but it's not just your mindset when it comes to working our or physical things sometimes its our mindset in our attitude and our actions. i was a complete brat when i was younger. hard to believe right? (; but i was (that's another subject though) and i too had to work to change that way of life to a healthier and more positive one.

anyway what i am saying is please do not sell yourself short of who you can be based on where you are now. life is a learning process. we are meant to grow.

i mean i too have so much more to learn and room to grow. i am not where i am want to be, but i see how far i have come and i know that i have the potential for anything i set my mind to.

so go out into the world with a positive mindset. be kind. love and most importantly never forget that you are in control of the life you want to live.

"the only difference between a good and bad life is your attitude. the choice is always yours" - denis brown

you are a boss

it is safe to say the past 24 hours have been super hectic for me, with a lot of overthinking, and when i say a lot, you can bet i mean A LOT of overthinking. but in that same 24 hours i have also been reminded of two important lessons..

now before i dive right into what i learned i think it is important you get a better understanding of where i was coming from.. i reached out to a company in order to take pictures of their product, and seeing that they were looking for influencers and liked my page they were willing to work with me. i got the product only to receive a message about it, showing the company in a rather negative light. i felt stupid for not doing more research, and this is when self doubt started to creep over me. at this point i wasn't even sure i wanted to take the photos and i was in a funk because i was so conflicted what was the right thing to do. i talked to my aunt, who had made me feel a bit better about the situation, but it was safe to say i still wasn't in the right set of mind. it wasn't until this morning that i received a new message from the company regarding the article that had been brought to my attention. basically all that time i had spent worrying was for nothing, because i had nothing to worry about.

then again that time worry though wasn't for nothing because like i said i was reminded of two very important lessons.

1. check your resources. always. i happened to get lucky, but do your research or at least have a good idea of what you are getting yourself into.  just as it is essential to remember there are always two side to a situation, maybe even more in some cases. my point though is don't get blinded by your excitement.

and

2. never let others get in the way of you, your dreams, and how you see yourself. 

the later of the two important lessons really got me. i let what one person had to say affect me to the point that my night wasn't used as efficiently as i had hoped. instead i questioned myself; who i was, what i stood for, where i was going, if what i was trying to achieve was worth it. i even questioned god, because everything had been going so well lately, i thought wow things are finally getting in place, and i am making progress will the things in life that i truly enjoy. i was living and loving life, and at that moment, it felt like the door to these new opportunities was closing. basically, i through myself a little pity party. invitation count 1, and it was me.

so what i'm human, it happens. sometimes we overthink things, sometimes we mop around. safe to say though at the end of the day i'm not going to let them or anyone for that matter determine how i see myself because i am awesome, and so are you.

so please if you take just one thing from this remember that each and everyone one of you, reading this post right here, right now, are a boss and you don't need others to determine what it is you do or who you want to be. if it makes you truly happy then do it. live the life you want to live because you and your opinion are so incredibly important.

also i figured i'd add a couple songs i like to listen to when i am in a funk and being too hard on myself. maybe you'll enjoy them as well. they are just a little boost of remembering who you are and that heck yes you might be human and make mistakes but that you are absolutely bomb and deserve to feel it:

don't be so hard on yourself - jess glynne

never quit - benjah

like you - tatiana manaois

 

new beginnings

i always have found it kind of funny that we tend to wait for the new year to roll around in order for change to happen but if i learned one thing from this past year is there is no reason to wait. i mean we really don't know how long we have here on this earth. how long we have to say the things we want to say and to do the things it is we want to do.

 i realized i spent more time looking at what everyone else was doing, wishing i could be traveling more or in some cute relationship but i wasn't even putting the effort into the things i wanted. it was no wonder i didn't see any outcomes. so i made it a point to start, to start doing the things that i was either too lazy or too afraid to do because life despite being the longest thing we will ever do is short and i want to be able to say i lived it to the fullest. i started by hitting the gym more and eating healthier, pushing myself to reach new limits - and you know what i kicked butt. sure it was my own lol but i was improving myself and my health and getting nice and fit for that beach bod. win, win, and win. and you know what it made me feel great about myself too. another win. sure it wasn't easy and i still have many days i dread getting my butt up to the gym but hey i still get up and do it, i try, and that is what matters, because no matter how small the steps are i am making progress, and that goes for anything i or you want to do. small improvements are still improvements. for instance i never thought i would cliff jump, and not that i didn't want to but because i would end up somehow talking myself out of it,, until a couple of days ago when i jumped off of South Point, in Naalehu, Hawaii. that .02 seconds of courage and allowed me to do one of the coolest things i have done to this day. which leads me to why i am created this here website,, because despite always thinking it would be so cool to create my own website i just never seemed to buckle down and do it. so here i am starting a blog where i can both document my own growth and have fun sharing and living life with you because life is an incredibly beautiful chaos that should be enjoyed together. so here's to life. and living it to its utmost potential.