in the spirit of Valentine's day i figured we could divert a little from the previous topic of goals to discuss relationships. to your surprise though i am not focusing on romantic relationships. instead, i want to focus on the relationship we have with ourselves. i know it sounds silly, but please hear me out. all of our relationships stem from not only what we have been taught, but also reflect how we see ourselves as individuals and our relationship we have with ourselves.

imagine an elementary school girl. she was shy. she depended too much on others for her happiness and never really felt that she was enough whether that was in her school work, how she fit in with her peers, and in her looks. she didn't like her stomach (she wanted abs), she didn't like her smile (which she loves now), she didn't feel super pretty because guys just weren't interested in her, and her neck (oh gosh she is still working on that one).. let's just say she wasn't very confident. she was self conscious and very hard on herself when it came to just about anything. that girl, that was me. that unconfident girl was me, and sometimes still is.

looking back there were even times in high school where the things i did were because my friends did them. now they weren’t bad things, but they were also not my own interests. instead of really seeing what classes i myself might be interested in, i took classes that i knew some of my friends would be in. to my advantage it thankfully all worked out because i really was not sure of what i wanted to do in the future anyway. the classes i took ended up showing me what interested me and what did not. plus, i had my friends which meant i at least wouldn’t be doing them alone. there was so much i learned in those classes that i wouldn’t have learned otherwise and they challenged me to be a better and harder working student but i just wonder what if i had chosen what interested me more than just flowing along with the rest of the group?

college was no easier. i mean i barely stepped foot into the gym my freshman year because i figured people would judge me for not being in shape and i just worried too much about what other people would think of me.

you’re probably wondering why i even mention this, and i am so happy you ask because i really do believe that at one time or another we all are that unconfident kid looking for a way to simply fit in or make it by. you beautiful people, we are called to live so much greater lives than this though, so much more than degrading the individuals we were created and called to be. not to mention when we don’t see ourselves with loving eyes it’s so much easier to do the same to others. i myself did exactly that growing up. i allowed my insecurities, my stresses, my fears have control with the way i interacted to people. i was quick to anger and easily frustrated, but we do not have to live in such a way if we so choose. when we seek the positive of ourselves we bring that to our other relationships.

so where do we start? how do we become the confident people we are supposed to be? well… to that i say: date yourself. seriously, date yourself whether you are single or in a relationship practice dating yourself. sit with yourself and i mean really sit with yourself. listen to where your mind wanders? how are you feeling physically? mentally? emotionally? are you relaxed? or overwhelmed? do you feel angry? sad? happy? joyful? excited? are you where do you want to be? recount your day. when was the last time you cried? when was the laughed so much you thought you were going to pee yourself? ask yourself questions, uncover the things that excite you and the things that make you fearful. continuously work to create the best version of yourself. it doesn’t even have to be so strenuous by having to think deeply, but maybe it is just going to a local coffee shop to sit and people watch or going to the movie alone. find peace in the comfort of yourself because when you learn to love yourself wholeheartedly and unconditionally you are able to give someone else that same kind of selfless love. also when you love your self more you are able to better recognize when the love you receive is healthy and meant to last. think of it as a recipe; there are so many factors to what creates the yummy and delicious treat. same is true when it comes to love; love is patient, kind, does not envy or boost, etc, etc, etc. but even so there always seems to be that one special ingredient, that key element, and that is what self love is. it is the key to all other healthy loving relationships.

it took me a long time to get to where i am now (a more self loving and confident daughter of god) and while i am a lot more confident in the women i am becoming i still have plenty of days when i feel far from it. that is important to note because we should never think of self love as being an end product. self love is a journey NOT a destination. bad days and good days will come but when we learn to love ourselves, loving others becomes easier.

also on another note a couple years back i filmed a YouTube video for Valentine’s day. here is the link if you want a good laugh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQJfQXaoKRc (i can not believe i am sharing this, but heck with it, why not - and please no judgement or rude comments this was 5 years ago, i was bored, and being silly. positive vibes only zone).