i know i usually start typing my weekly blog post on monday, but i wanted to share something with you all that happened today, april 29th, 2020. it was a fairly average day in quarantine; i worked out, showered, had a work meeting over zoom, posted my weekly blog, etc. etc. etc. until i finally received an email that i had been waiting weeks to receive.

i am going to back up a little bit though so you have better context for what is to come… a couple months ago a friend of mine shared a magazine with me that takes monthly submissions based off of a theme. she suggested that i type up a submission for their magazine. i was quite flattered that she thought i should and while i was a bit nervous to put myself out there i decided that i would give it a go. i wanted the piece to be something that i was passionate about and although i struggled to find a story to tell i came to an idea i was excited to share. as the thoughts started coming i made sure to jot down note after note not wanting to miss any point or detail. before i knew it i was at the screen typing away. editing and revision were made a few days later and when it came to the end result i was quite pleased with my work so i sent my submission in. the following days i checked my email more times the i would like to admit, because i was so excited for the possibilities of what was to come. what if my submission was chosen? what if i was published in a magazine? i even thought about how i would announce i had a published piece.

having seen the email i quickly opened it to only see that my article had not been selected. it was disappointing, but i was surprisingly okay with it. maybe i had been expecting it a bit, but not because i did not believe that my piece was good enough - it was my first time submitting to the magazine or any magazine for that matter. i know i have a lot to learn and if anything being turned down only fueled my fire to write more. i will have a piece published in a magazine. that’s right, for the people in the back I WILL HAVE A PIECE PUBLISHED IN A MAGAZINE. i am speaking it into existence now, in this very moment, because failures are learning lessons and only disappointing if you choose to see them that way. i, however, am choosing to see this as a time to continue growing as a writer and individual. this one wasn’t meant for me, and maybe the next one won’t be either, but i know i will get to where i want to be. thank you, next (submission).

i’ll be honest though.. when i originally submitted my piece i didn’t want to tell anyone. only 3 people knew i even submitted it because in reality i didn’t want to share incase i did not get it. i did not want everyone to see me “fail”. i put fail in quotations because i really don’t view it as a failure (well at least not now anyway) because you learn so much within the process of it all. sure it seems cool to think about announcing being in a magazine with nobody’s knowledge i was even trying to do so in the first place, but it fails to show all of the hard work and trails that come with achieving goals. if i were to hide when i did not reach what i was after it would portray a false idea of pursuing dreams and that’s not what i want. from the start of my website i always said (and still do) that i want to be raw and real with y’all because that is where the magic happens. thank you to the book i was reading because the author reminded me to be even more open than i had been or wanted to be through sharing her own experiences and struggles in all of her achievements. do not be afraid to share the messy parts. too often do be we play them off, embarrassed to be open, but i really think that is what makes us more real.

if you have been needing a reminder of how awesome you are and that failure doesn’t define you,, here it is. keep grinding you beautiful people you and keep pursuing those dreams! you are fully capable of it!