i had an interesting conversation the other day with a coworker. a conversation in which my bachelor’s degree as well as my ideal plans for the future came up. the individual appeared confused. why would i go to college for psychology just to dream of taking photos around the world? just to envision starting up a clothing brand? and i get it, if we were to look at it from a typical stand point it just doesn’t make sense. why not study photography or business? why not skip paying for college and just jump right into it? to which those are all fair questions, but to those that ask, i have a question for you; why not do it differently? why not study something else that intrigues my soul and mind? why consolidate the things that interest me? why limit my path?

i guess you could say i have always been a dreamer, someone open to a different path than the typical one society tells us is the way to success. i believe that there are multiple ways in which we can achieve our goals (see blog this one’s for me for more on this topic) and multiple ways in which we can be successful. even stepping into collage i knew that a regular 9-5 desk job would never be for me. it’s why i work with children and as hard as the job can be working with kids is the best because there really is so much to learn from them; so much that we as adults should relearn to value. kids are so free and full of life. they imagine and dream and even though some things are wildly outlandish like becoming an octopus when they grow up you would be surprised that a lot of the things we find to be “out there” are a lot more possible than we believe and give credit for. they also understand that coloring outside the lines (figuratively speaking) is perfectly okay and honestly necessary at times. the youth are just so creative and simply being around that kind of energy i believe can help retouch that same childlike energy in our souls. i would like to believe that being in their presence has helped me keep my mind open to an uncommon career path.

people have told me that i need to be more realistic, but i am confident in my path. i know i will get there when it is my time. best part about your path is that nobody needs to understand it but you and honestly there will be times when even you don’t understand the path you are on simply because it is so much bigger than you, than i, than us. the bigger picture though is that one day the things we do will all meet at a point and in that moment it will all make sense. it will all come full circle.

there is still so many pieces that i don’t see how they fit into the grander picture,

the loneliness of lost friends

the physical pain of menstrual cycles that make me struggle to find comfort, consistency, and living life to its fullest

the confusion and frustration that pairs with anxiety

there are so many pieces that push me to tears because of the unknowns and yet i know at the same time it will all make sense - the confusion will not last forever because it is only part of the story; only part of my story. i have lived many other situation that didn’t make sense and my heart ached for answers. with time only then was my soul was ready to hear those connections and see their importance in my story. i remember losing a friend whom i had shared so much of myself with- my dreams, and passions, the things i didn’t like, the things i loved, the memories we made and just like that our paths no longer meet. it was earth shattering and sad. fast forward to years later and i see just how much a blessing it was because through that person i was able to meet one of my closest friends and others who support me. i opened my heart to fall more in love with myself. i took myself on dates and let my soul meet god in deeper ways. i also struggled with another friend who later god brought back into my life and y’all he is my now fiancé. like what is meant for you with always find a way to you.

i think my co-worker’s comment would have hurt the previous version of myself more and don’t get me wrong there are many times i feel the weight of the unknown but i think there as always been apart of me that knows that:

somewhere down the road the lines will meet at the intersection and it will all make sense.

the built and lost friendships, the heartache, the late nights, the adventures, the course, the people, the places, the struggles, the smiles. ALL of it. all of it built me into the person i am today and the person who i am becoming. i love her even though i don’t say it as much as i should. i love her and am so proud of her.

i guess when to sum up what i am trying to say is that our paths are purposeful even when they simply just do not seem to add up. hold on to the fact that one day it will all make sense - somewhere down the line you will come to your interaction and in that moment you will see that things really were working together; that they were coming full circle. trust me i know it is hard and a big part of that is the fact that we only ever can see part of the picture. it isn’t clear, but together each piece makes the full picture just a bit more magnificent and beautiful.

“the Lord directs the steps of the godly. he delights in every detail of their lives. though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.” - psalm 37:23-24