hello you beautiful you, if you are new here welcome and if you are a regular or semi-regular reader then welcome back. this past week has been something else for me. i have struggled with stress, anxiety, pain, and confusion thus finding the beauty and focusing on it was in no way an easy task, but if you remember last week’s post, this one’s for me, this is far from what life is meant to be. stress, anxiety, pain, and confusion those aren’t it. we should have peace, stillness, and living the life we want to create. getting there is half the battle though, right?

exactly. it takes courage to proclaim your life and work towards filling it.

courage. what a powerful word. i think oftentimes when we imagine courage we think of bravery, we think of strength, and confidence, maybe even boldness. we grow up thinking that we either have it or we don’t. however, with this train of thought we tend to miss that both courage and bravery are not to be based around seemingly having it all together. instead, courage is quite the opposite. courage is about continuing to push through the uncertainty and fear that oftentimes gets in our way of greater things. courage while at times may be loud and bold can also be quiet and gentle.

a few weeks ago, while meeting with a group of jesus loving boss babes we actually touched on this topic. we talked about how courage can be expressed in a wide range. courage could be saying hello to a coworker in the store or raising your hand to answer a question in school. i know i can relate to both of these. i can remember even in college being overwhelmed to speak in class. presentations were not too bad because with those i could practice and practice and practice until it was just right, but if you asked me a question or my opinion out of the blue i would freeze as if everything i learned in the past weeks were suddenly erased from my brain. or there would be times when i would want to answer and would literally have a conversation in my head telling myself i should speak up. more than not i would talk myself out of it or wait so long someone else would answer, but the times i did speak up, man, now that took courage. i still can picture my slightly shaking hand rising up and over my head, breath quickening, and face getting hot to the touch. sweaty? yes, even a bit sweaty. a lovely image, but i was so proud of those moments, because even though i was unsure and afraid i was able to step out of my comfort zone. that .2 seconds of courage more than not leads us to some of the greatest, most vibrant times we will ever experience in our lives; not to mention those moments challenge and help us grow to the individuals we have always been meant to be.

i often think about that leap of faith when i am wrestling with fear. more specifically though i reflect on a time i literally took a leap of faith (not just figuratively). set the scene; it is december 2018 on the big island of hawaii, south side. there are clear blue skies, lush greenery, and the heat from the sun is warming your whole body. now i am not sure if you have all heard of ka lae, also known as south point. this location is the southernmost point on the big island and known for its cliff jump. after having heard about it i thought to myself how cool it would be to successfully cliff jump, but i also had the idea that even though it was a cool thought i would never have the courage it took to do so myself. my family and i decided that we would at least go and check it out, watch some other people do it, and carry on our way. the idea, however, did not leave my mind even after several days. so a few days later when we drove past it i asked if we could go back - i wanted to cliff jump. stripped down to my brick colored bikini standing at the edge looking down all the fears came rushing back and suddenly i was not sure if i would actually be able to do it. i am not sure how long i stood there, ready, walking closer, than walking back, wiping palms against my nervous legs, but it was quite some time. then i reminded myself that .2 seconds was all it takes. i breathed in one last time and jumped off of that ledge, flailed my way to the water and popped my head back up. despite the little bit of water that i almost swallowed i had done it. i had boldly and loudly (screamed and splashed) into a moment that i am still a bit shocked to have said i did indeed do. less than a second was all it took and i'm so glad i did. how rewarding to see even with uncertainties that you are capable. while not completely successful as my jump was no graceful swan like dive it also goes to show the fact of trying is so important to hold on to because the perseverance and determination it takes will always lead to success.

so here i was on this same trip in hawaii, and i had also been wanting to create a website which i did, or at least had been in the process of before scratching it and starting a new one. i do not remember how long i had worked on my first website, but i remember it was on wix.com and i had typed up a couple different posts. i was afraid and unconfident in my work, nervous about what other people would think, i held out publishing for a long time, but what i did know was that i never lost sight of that vision. i would create a website. so that trip i did. i started from scratch on a new website creator and posted my first blog. i did not focus on the fact that it was not complete and took comfort knowing that it was a work in progress; understanding i would have to face trials and errors and that not all my work would be loved, but that i would keep persevering. i had my website for two years before this january actually being consistent with it (weekly blog posts)! and guess what! there are still so many times when i am about to publish a post on my blog where i question myself, worried about what others might think. i will reread it over and over and over, contemplating if it is worth sharing. what i do though is force myself through the uncomfortable awkward feeling and just go for it, because regardless i am growing from it. how awesome is that? even in our failures we are still able to grow and thrive! i love that. here we are three years later and going with more vigor than ever, but i would not be where i am at now, or even writing a submission for a magazine if it weren’t for those subtle and quiet acts of courage to just publish and share my website!

if you asked me a couple years ago if i was courageous or brave i would more than likely have said no, but i now know that i am courageous. courage comes in moments, just like the ones i shared with you, and even if all of my moments are not courageous, as these, it does not mean that i am not. i am courageous when i initiate a conversation in the store with an acquaintance despite overthinking if i should or should not. i am courageous when i share my opinion despite knowing others might disagree. i am courageous when i jumped off of a 40 ft. tall cliff even though i was terrified. i am courageous in creating and sharing myself in the most authentic and genuine way on my blog even though it sometimes puts me in a vulnerable spot. i am a courageous individual, and so are you. we are all courageous in some way or another and i think that it is important we recognize that we are.

i am telling you even if you do not feel courageous, you are. you are courageous you beautiful people you. find your courage, use it, live it, and continue to build upon it. this is your life. live it.