before being in a relationship i thought i had it all together, i thought that i had it all figured out or at least had a solid grasp of my life. i knew what i wanted and what i did not want out of my life and especially out of a partner. some of those things where and still are completely important and relevant things to hold onto, but others not as much.

around this time 3 years ago my boyfriend (now) told me he liked me for the first time. this, however, was not where our relationship started although this day i remember pretty well. it was a pretty cloudy day and we were having breakfast at the new york cafe. i am pretty sure i had ordered the avocado toast with breakfast potatoes on the side. as for his meal, i don’t recall what it was, maybe biscuits and gray (don’t quote me on that though lol). as we were nearing the end of breakfast he mentioned wanting to tell me something. although i couldn’t be 100% sure of what he was about to say i had a pretty good idea. he was so nervous; his leg was bouncing up and down and his voice was shaky. i remember sitting there waiting for him to say it and thinking how i could politely let him know that i could not date him. now don’t get me wrong i loved the person in front of me. i enjoyed our talks, i enjoyed hanging out, and overall i enjoyed the person he was. i, however, was not okay with some of his decisions and i was not about to settle. i let him know as politely as i could, we went about our meal, and then we went to go work an 8 hour shift together which actually was not as bad as it may sound. i’m not sure how he felt at this point, but for me it didn’t change anything - i still cared about him and our friendship very much.

the rest of that summer we still hung out at times, we occasionally would talk during school (we attended different universities), we hung out during thanksgiving break i want to say, but as the school year went on we grew more and more distant. i remember being hurt, but it wasn’t just because of him. it was a season of drifting and shifting friendship both at school and back home. it was tough, and just as i was accepting of this new norm guess who pops back in my life. you got it! my (now) boyfriend. i felt like god was testing me at first and thus i really struggled with feelings of hurt as well as how i knew god would want me to respond - with love. so that is what I did, i shared god’s love with him. slowly i let him into my life more and more. i was kind and open, but i also feared losing my friend, again. despite the struggle there was something that propelled me to move forward. the past was the past and i was open to trusting gods plan. i learned to shift my thinking from ways of despise and anger, sadness, confusion to thinking through the eyes of christ, through seeing him as a creation and child of god, who like me is not perfect, but still worthy of love. i didn’t know what would come of it, but i was beyond blessed by what did because here we are june 14, 2020 having been together 6 months. this man has showed me a love like no other and although our relationship is far from perfect what we are creating together is something worth fighting for.

i said i would never attend saint martins university: and i ended up attending it for four years as well graduating from it with a bachelors degree and two minors. what once was a place i could not picture myself at become a home away from home and i loved the experiences and memories made very much. would i have changed any of it? no.

i said i would never become a runner: and here i am regularly going on jogs. sometimes even 7 1/2 miles long. not only has running become integrated into my workout schedule, but it is something i actually enjoy doing.

i said i would never date a boy from my hometown or a guy guy with long hair: and i am currently dating a boy from my hometown who happens to have long hair.

my point is some of the most unexpected things in life are some of the greatest blessings we will ever receive.

if i held onto some of my original ideas of how my life would be i would have been holding myself back from some pretty wonderful things and wonderful people. have standards, be focused, but also be flexible with your path. this can be done many different ways. maybe for you that looks like trying new things, or things you never thought you would try. maybe for you that looks like letting a friend back into your life who has reached out even though they hurt you. by being more open to god’s graces you are sure to be lead to a life you could never imagined for yourself, but will be so beyond blessed by.

letting my now boyfriend back into my life allowed us the space to grow together and i am so thankful for him; the man he has grown to be and continues to strive for. he is patient, kind, tender, loving, respectful, encouraging, determined, open, honest.. the list goes on.

we are living in an interesting time loves. there is a lot going on and it can be rather burdensome, but the plans god has and the magic he is working in our hearts when we let him can make a season that was once troublesome become something beautiful. i know it is hard; this season is heavy, but finding the little wins and seeking the positive makes it better. when jesus is on your side you have already won.

my prayer for you today is that you do not lose sight oh who you are. that you hold tight to your morals and values, while still keeping an open heart to a greater plan because you never know what might be waiting for you when you let god in a little more. trust in the process.

“trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” proverbs 3; 5-6