i know god speaks to us all throughout our lives whether that be when we wake or while we make our breakfast or even in the things we see and people we meet, but i tend to really feel and hear him whenever i am traveling. maybe it is because when you are thousands of feet in the air you are given a different perspective. maybe it is the fact that i feel physically closer to him or maybe it is simply the fact that i “have” more time (i put have in quotations because really we all have the time, it’s just a matter of if we choose to make the time, but really that could be another conversation for another day). maybe it is a mixture of it all. either way i always seem to connect to a deeper sense of self and love when i am traveling and in that i know that he has placed this my heart.

so as i sit on the plane flying back home from wisdom teeth surgery i thought just how drawn i was to share my experience with the surgery and not because it was glamorous. actually, i wanted to share because it was not - even though wisdom teeth removal is a rather typical surgery that a lot of people undergo. for me the days leading up to it felt to be some the looongest and most stressful days i have yet experienced. it was frightening, anxiety provoking, and messy. from traveling, to the consultation, to the surgery, to flying home the next day it is safe to say that i have not got much sleep at all and yet within all of my struggles, i knew there was purpose in it. even through the worries, anxiousness, and nights lacking sleep there was always a part of me that knew he would make all things well. i didn’t always feel it but i knew it and then i saw it day after day in my devotionals because each day they spoke out to me in a way that i need.

one day my devotional shared Matthew 6:34, “so do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. each day has enough trouble of its own,” a verse that reminds us that our worrying will not change tomorrow but only take away from today. it’s a verse that calls us to focus our attention to the day at hand and appreciating it for what it is. this was days before i left but I could not stop thinking about surgery as it neared closer and closer. i needed to be reminded that i need not worry about what was to come (and this goes for everything that life throws your way - it’s important to slow down - to take it step by step).

then another day i was reminded that it was important that i felt what i was feeling, that it was okay to be feeling the a bit anxious going into surgery. i know it seems a bit contradicting from the previous devotional, but really its not and here is why. god doesn’t want us to be constantly fearful of what is to come. he wants us to trust in his diving plan but he also understands that we live in a broken world and are only human. feelings are SO powerful and i believe i needed to feel all that worry and stress because it helped signify gods glory and grace; that even when i wasn’t feeling strong in faith he remained faithful. he carried me through a difficult journey to face my fears and despite being informed that there were a couple different possibilities that could occur with the way my teeth were positioned everything went well.

the day before my surgery, during my consultation i was told that my top teeth were rather close to my sinuses which meant there was a chance a hole from my mouth to my sinuses could occur during the surgery. A HOLE. IN MY MOUTH. TO MY SINSUS. meaning that when i would drink things it could go up to my sinus. the other thing i was told was that my bottom teeth were pretty close to the nerve in my jaw. this left room for the possibility of nerve damage that would take 6-12 months to fully healing. 6 to 12 MONTHS! not days or weeks, but MONTHS. so of course i was stressed, that was far from what i every imagined. i didn’t even know that was possible, i mean it made sense that it could happen, but never before the consult did that cross my mind. after the appointment it was sure on my mind though. i didn’t try to directly think about it my body felt the fear of the unknown of what was to come. that and the fact that what ever happened i was supposed to travel home the next day... less than 24 hours after surgery.

i thank the lord that surgery went as well as it did. sure i felt pretty blah, weak, had a tight jaw, some soreness here and there, and i had to take nasty medicine, but there were no holes or nerve damage. here i am going on three weeks past surgery and i am back to eating like the champ i am lol no but for real it really wasn’t that bad. obviously after the fact it’s a whole lot easier to say it will all be okay, but i do believe that is more important to understand it is okay to feel stressed, anxious, worried, fearful, even doubtful because it doesn’t last forever and sometimes that is god using you as a vessel to showcase who he is. everything has a purpose and as much as there are times when we feel stuck there is always something beautiful that can be found within them.

“when you pass through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” - isaiah 43:2