i love helping people; always have and always will. even from a young age i wanted to be helping out whether that meant vacuuming, dusting, doing the dishes or making sure my friends were happy. so when it comes to my relationships i love loud and hard. not only am i not afraid to say things that might be hard to hear, i check up on how you are doing - cheering you up and comforting you when you are sad/frustrated and yep! you got it i will always be your biggest supporter. most importantly though no matter what i will always have your best interest at heart because well that is what being a friend is about.

i truly love this trait about me, but as much as it is one of my greatest traits it is also one of the hardest traits to bear, because there are going to be a lot of people who don’t understand this type of relationship, people who have never experienced and/or are afraid of a love so deep. no love or amount of care is perfect. life is messy. we mess up, they mess up, things happen. relationships (friendships and romantic ones) take work and they are bound to have bumpy patches, but there really is not much that is worth losing people over.

unfortunately, there are plenty of people who don’t work enough at their relationships and as helpers we want to fix that. we don’t like the tension, we just want things well and happy.

thing is though us helpers can’t fix everything. as much as we might want to help sometimes it just isn’t always going to be possible. you know why? because it isn’t our job. sometimes it is, but if we try and nothing changes then it never was our job to begin with and that is where god comes in - because we aren’t always enough. we can only do so much and that is okay.

it’s time to stop watering dead plants, and just let god.

time to let god take control because he has greater power and better understanding of our paths. he has our paths beautifully laid out for each of us so much so there really is no reason to fret, but that is easier said than done eh? i agree. a couple years ago i had a really rough time with a few friends and i was deeply hurt by the situation, but i really focused in on my faith and just to pray to god that he could help me accept our different paths, that he would continue to watch over them, and if it was in his plan that we someday would meet again. it was so hard not talking to them, not checking in, because it felt i wasn’t caring enough about the people who i deeply cared for, and you know what soon after i was accepting of the new norm, those people reached out to me and now it is as if they had never left for that year… as i lay here in bed typing i feel a sudden sense of joy. god is beautiful in his plans and in no way do i want you to think all relationships that stray will end this way, because spoiler they all don't, but most importantly some do and it is really so amazing how life works out and things come full circle.

if you are like me and feel you are a helper. you love loud and hard. you try your hardest to keep relationships and are saddened when they don’t work out. know you are a blessing. people need you in their life whether for a season or forever. you are a rare being, you are special, and you are doing great. keep loving bold and remember that god is faithful and has it all under control.